Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
How to Weather Life's Storms--Like Marriage & Relationships
One day, out of the blue your husband says, "I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure that I ever did." In your opinion your twenty year marriage is happy and solid as a rock. What do you do? Do you cry and hurl obscenities at him? Do you calmly discuss going to a marriage counselor? Do you get on you knees (perhaps literally) and beg him to stay?
When this scenario happened to writer Laura A. Munson she took an entirely different route. She chose to ignore her husband's outburst. Rather than accept the notion that something was wrong with her or what she had become, she realized that it was he who needed to face his demons and get his life straight. In her essay, "Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear" she says, "I'd committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I'd committed to "The End of Suffering." I'd finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were outside my control. I'd seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
Essentially Munson's unique tactic---giving him emotional "space" forced her husband to examine is own life and the issues surrounding his recent professional failures. She and their children went about their lives, he was welcome to join them, but if he didn't the activities went on. There was no arguing or screaming---nothing that he could use to distract himself from addressing his midlife crisis. Munson had given her husband an internal deadline of 6 months to get it together. Slowly, but surely he resolved his issues and took steps to rejoin his marriage and his family.
How would some of your relationships be different if you accepted the idea that YOU alone are responsible for your happiness. What would it feel like to you if you realized that you can't "fix" your partner's problems (or character flaws). When you hit rough patches in your relationship, rather than pushing or cajoling your partner to "see it your way" (so that you don't lose them) could you imagine letting them "just be" for a period of time? Even if that meant eventually letting them go, permanently. The same goes for your job or even your home. Could you be happy if those things no longer existed, no longer defined you. You hold on tightly to something when you're fearful that it will escape your grasp. When you're certain that you could indeed be happy without the thing or the person, you relax your grip.
To read the entire essay, Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
When this scenario happened to writer Laura A. Munson she took an entirely different route. She chose to ignore her husband's outburst. Rather than accept the notion that something was wrong with her or what she had become, she realized that it was he who needed to face his demons and get his life straight. In her essay, "Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear" she says, "I'd committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I'd committed to "The End of Suffering." I'd finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were outside my control. I'd seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
Essentially Munson's unique tactic---giving him emotional "space" forced her husband to examine is own life and the issues surrounding his recent professional failures. She and their children went about their lives, he was welcome to join them, but if he didn't the activities went on. There was no arguing or screaming---nothing that he could use to distract himself from addressing his midlife crisis. Munson had given her husband an internal deadline of 6 months to get it together. Slowly, but surely he resolved his issues and took steps to rejoin his marriage and his family.
How would some of your relationships be different if you accepted the idea that YOU alone are responsible for your happiness. What would it feel like to you if you realized that you can't "fix" your partner's problems (or character flaws). When you hit rough patches in your relationship, rather than pushing or cajoling your partner to "see it your way" (so that you don't lose them) could you imagine letting them "just be" for a period of time? Even if that meant eventually letting them go, permanently. The same goes for your job or even your home. Could you be happy if those things no longer existed, no longer defined you. You hold on tightly to something when you're fearful that it will escape your grasp. When you're certain that you could indeed be happy without the thing or the person, you relax your grip.
To read the entire essay, Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Friday, July 31, 2009
Life Lessons from Jon and Kate Plus 8 (and a Date?)
What lessons can the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8 teach you about your own life? Your initial reaction is probably... nothing. But remember that by allowing themselves to be on television within a few years this small town Pennsylvania family became national celebrities. Jon and Kate were also paid millions by TLC (TLC reportedly pays them $75K per episode) and product sponsors to be their flawed, argumentative selves. Kate has written a book and allegedly rakes in about $20K per speaking engagement. So even if you loathe reality shows or just Jon & Kate Plus 8 here is some food for thought.
When Opportunity Knocks--Open the door, but beware
Was being asked to be on a reality show a golden opportunity for the Gosselins, a couple with modest means and 8 children? OR Was it an exploitative situation that thrived on marital conflict? The answer is yes to both questions. There is always a downside to greater opportunity...it's that a larger bank account, bigger fame, or greater power allows you to manifest more of who you already are. So if you are a jerk who wins the lottery...your money will allow you to be an even bigger a-hole. However, if you are a grounded person who wins the lottery, it's doubtful that you'd suddenly dump your "poor" friends. Before the fame, Jon and Kate's marriage probably had serious fissures that were not being addressed; their reality show only highlighted their growing marital problems. Jon & Kate Plus 8 teach us that before you are REALLY ready to take on greater opportunity, you should develop the grace, self-knowledge, and common sense needed to handle the life that you already have.
Life is Always Changing...Roll with it
The Gosselin family's television career began with a 1 hour Discovery Health program called Surviving Sextuplets and Twins. The appeal of the clean cut family with 8 small children got them their own show. Jon & Kate Plus 8 became a ratings winner for TLC...that is until 32 year old Jon was seen in photos with a 23 year school teacher(and a few other women). It was also alleged that Kate had something going on with the head of security. The bottom line is that after 10 years of marriage Kate filed for divorce on June 22, 2009. Jon and Kate however decided that the reality show will go on. Starting August 3 the divorcing couple will be presented as co-parents. Each parent will take turns living in their PA mansion and caring for their eight children.(When they're not in PA, Jon's got a new pad in Manhattan and Kate's got new digs in Rockville,MD) There is also talk that Jon and Kate will be shown dating new people. Life is not static: we change and so do our circumstances. The course of Jon and Kate's professional and personal lives teaches us that we must be adaptable to new realities. . In the words of Bruce Lee, "Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water."
Let the Critics Be Damned
Some critics have accused Kate of being domineering. Others have said that she berated Jon and emasculated him. The tabloids have portrayed Jon as a balding wannabee Lothario. Various family members and former employees have accused Jon and Kate (but particularly Kate) of exploiting their children. Even famed attorney Gloria Allard has publicly weighed in on these charges. The majority of critics felt qualified to make judgments about Jon and Kate's lives and parenting based on watching a television program that has been edited. Despite the critics, Jon and Kate decided to continue the show because they have eight children who need to be housed, clothed, fed and educated. It's inevitable that someone is not going to like your lifestyle, your spouse/partner, your attitude or how you parenting. The opinions of naysayers however are irrelevant---you shouldn't run your life by committee. The lesson of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is to ignore the haters and to make the decisions that you deem best for your life and your family.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
When Opportunity Knocks--Open the door, but beware
Was being asked to be on a reality show a golden opportunity for the Gosselins, a couple with modest means and 8 children? OR Was it an exploitative situation that thrived on marital conflict? The answer is yes to both questions. There is always a downside to greater opportunity...it's that a larger bank account, bigger fame, or greater power allows you to manifest more of who you already are. So if you are a jerk who wins the lottery...your money will allow you to be an even bigger a-hole. However, if you are a grounded person who wins the lottery, it's doubtful that you'd suddenly dump your "poor" friends. Before the fame, Jon and Kate's marriage probably had serious fissures that were not being addressed; their reality show only highlighted their growing marital problems. Jon & Kate Plus 8 teach us that before you are REALLY ready to take on greater opportunity, you should develop the grace, self-knowledge, and common sense needed to handle the life that you already have.
Life is Always Changing...Roll with it
The Gosselin family's television career began with a 1 hour Discovery Health program called Surviving Sextuplets and Twins. The appeal of the clean cut family with 8 small children got them their own show. Jon & Kate Plus 8 became a ratings winner for TLC...that is until 32 year old Jon was seen in photos with a 23 year school teacher(and a few other women). It was also alleged that Kate had something going on with the head of security. The bottom line is that after 10 years of marriage Kate filed for divorce on June 22, 2009. Jon and Kate however decided that the reality show will go on. Starting August 3 the divorcing couple will be presented as co-parents. Each parent will take turns living in their PA mansion and caring for their eight children.(When they're not in PA, Jon's got a new pad in Manhattan and Kate's got new digs in Rockville,MD) There is also talk that Jon and Kate will be shown dating new people. Life is not static: we change and so do our circumstances. The course of Jon and Kate's professional and personal lives teaches us that we must be adaptable to new realities. . In the words of Bruce Lee, "Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water."
Let the Critics Be Damned
Some critics have accused Kate of being domineering. Others have said that she berated Jon and emasculated him. The tabloids have portrayed Jon as a balding wannabee Lothario. Various family members and former employees have accused Jon and Kate (but particularly Kate) of exploiting their children. Even famed attorney Gloria Allard has publicly weighed in on these charges. The majority of critics felt qualified to make judgments about Jon and Kate's lives and parenting based on watching a television program that has been edited. Despite the critics, Jon and Kate decided to continue the show because they have eight children who need to be housed, clothed, fed and educated. It's inevitable that someone is not going to like your lifestyle, your spouse/partner, your attitude or how you parenting. The opinions of naysayers however are irrelevant---you shouldn't run your life by committee. The lesson of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is to ignore the haters and to make the decisions that you deem best for your life and your family.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
How To Ask for Flex Time at Work
Flex time, telecommuting, part-time work and job sharing are vehicles that allow working women to spend more time with their families while remaining professionally viable. The reality is that some jobs simply don't lend themselves to these employment arrangements, such as teachers, doctors and chefs. However for the vast majority of working women there's no GOOD reason given telephone, email, tele/video conferencing(other than tradition), why they need to be in the office 40-60 hours per week.
Asking for a flex time job arrangement has nothing to do with relegating yourself to the infamous "mommy track," There are companies that allow employees (male and female) to select from a menu of work options. There are part-time law partners who still handle major cases. There are also executives who work full time, but are only in the office about 30 hours a week. There are also companies, especially in the technology sector, that allow employees to work from wherever. So whether or not your company currently has a flex time policy is not necessarily important. However what is important is whether or not you can make a strong case to your immediate boss that you should be allowed to have a flexible schedule.
The book Womenomics by Claire Shipman (Good Morning America) and Katty Kay, (BBC) promotes the idea that because women are nearly one half of our national workforce, they have the power to demand more employment options. They insist that these changes would help working mothers to have more "work-life control" resulting in less stress and guilt in their struggle to balance family and work obligations. Moreover they believe that workplace changes will benefit all workers, not just parents.
According to Womenomics the number one reason working mothers don't get flex time arrangements is that they don't ask for it. Here are some of the tips that Shipman and Katy suggest for negotiating a more flexible work schedule.
1. Perform Well and Know It: Womenomics states that managers repeatedly said that they would do nearly anything to accommodate women who added value to the company. Whether you are considered an asset to the company---someone who they don't want to lose is determined by a number of factors: your annual appraisals; whether you are meeting sales targets; whether you are considered a thought-leader in your company; how much access to you have to higher ups and how easy it would be to replace you. If you are unsure of your value to your company, immediately schedule a candid talk with you boss about where you stand...and maybe to toot your own horn. If the news is positive you can then move forward with your plan to request a schedule change. However you may come away with ideas about how you can improve your actual performance and/or his or her perception of you and your contribution. At a later a date, after you have strengthened your position, you can then revisit this topic.
2. Know What You Are Asking For: Get clear about how you want your work schedule and life to change. Would you like to work a 4 day week instead of 5? Would you like to work a 4 hour day, instead of an 8+ hour day? Do want to come in or leave a hour or two earlier or later? Would you prefer to telecommute, working full time but coming to the office only one or two times per week? The distinctions are important because they impact your desired lifestyle change. For instance, taking a part-time position, means working less, the trade off is a cut in salary and benefits. Additionally, unless you take a demotion, you'll probably have the same workload. Similarly, while telecommuting allows you skip coming into the office you are still on-call during business hours. This means that you'll probably still need child care and it's doubtful that you'll be able to sneak off to a yoga class without your cell phone going off.
3. Be prepared to Reassure Your Boss on Every Level
Womenomics says that you should be ready to talk to your boss about why you want a schedule change. Shipman and Katy say that manager's main concern about flexible work schedules is productivity...or rather its decline once an employee is off-site. Regardless of the schedule that you are proposing, it's critical that you, in a detailed plan, clearly tell your boss how you plan to cover your work responsibilities, including project deadlines, client meetings, staff inquiries, telephone/email access, etc. On that note, it's necessary to assure your boss that you are equipped to work from home; this means describing your home office (computer, software, fax, copier, separate phone line, etc.) Tell your boss that your office is in a separate room, so that his or she doesn't imagine you doing major deals on the kitchen table while the plumber fixes the faucet. It also means being clear that your children will not be under foot during business hours. State that your children are in school, indicating the hours, and/or that you are have a relative, nanny or other child care provider to mind them while you are working.
4. Once You've Got Your Deal, Don't Take it For Granted: The point of this tip is to keep the communication open with your boss. It's a given that you need to continue to perform well on your job, however you also need to regularly take the pulse of your supervisors to make sure they are still on board. Be proactive in keeping in touch with your colleagues and higher-ups, letting them know that while you may not be in the office as much, you're still in the loop and therefore expect to be contacted whenever necessary. It is particularly important to initiate a dialogue with your boss if now you're being passed over for plum assignments, key decisions are being made without your or someone less qualified is promoted over you.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Asking for a flex time job arrangement has nothing to do with relegating yourself to the infamous "mommy track," There are companies that allow employees (male and female) to select from a menu of work options. There are part-time law partners who still handle major cases. There are also executives who work full time, but are only in the office about 30 hours a week. There are also companies, especially in the technology sector, that allow employees to work from wherever. So whether or not your company currently has a flex time policy is not necessarily important. However what is important is whether or not you can make a strong case to your immediate boss that you should be allowed to have a flexible schedule.
The book Womenomics by Claire Shipman (Good Morning America) and Katty Kay, (BBC) promotes the idea that because women are nearly one half of our national workforce, they have the power to demand more employment options. They insist that these changes would help working mothers to have more "work-life control" resulting in less stress and guilt in their struggle to balance family and work obligations. Moreover they believe that workplace changes will benefit all workers, not just parents.
According to Womenomics the number one reason working mothers don't get flex time arrangements is that they don't ask for it. Here are some of the tips that Shipman and Katy suggest for negotiating a more flexible work schedule.
1. Perform Well and Know It: Womenomics states that managers repeatedly said that they would do nearly anything to accommodate women who added value to the company. Whether you are considered an asset to the company---someone who they don't want to lose is determined by a number of factors: your annual appraisals; whether you are meeting sales targets; whether you are considered a thought-leader in your company; how much access to you have to higher ups and how easy it would be to replace you. If you are unsure of your value to your company, immediately schedule a candid talk with you boss about where you stand...and maybe to toot your own horn. If the news is positive you can then move forward with your plan to request a schedule change. However you may come away with ideas about how you can improve your actual performance and/or his or her perception of you and your contribution. At a later a date, after you have strengthened your position, you can then revisit this topic.
2. Know What You Are Asking For: Get clear about how you want your work schedule and life to change. Would you like to work a 4 day week instead of 5? Would you like to work a 4 hour day, instead of an 8+ hour day? Do want to come in or leave a hour or two earlier or later? Would you prefer to telecommute, working full time but coming to the office only one or two times per week? The distinctions are important because they impact your desired lifestyle change. For instance, taking a part-time position, means working less, the trade off is a cut in salary and benefits. Additionally, unless you take a demotion, you'll probably have the same workload. Similarly, while telecommuting allows you skip coming into the office you are still on-call during business hours. This means that you'll probably still need child care and it's doubtful that you'll be able to sneak off to a yoga class without your cell phone going off.
3. Be prepared to Reassure Your Boss on Every Level
Womenomics says that you should be ready to talk to your boss about why you want a schedule change. Shipman and Katy say that manager's main concern about flexible work schedules is productivity...or rather its decline once an employee is off-site. Regardless of the schedule that you are proposing, it's critical that you, in a detailed plan, clearly tell your boss how you plan to cover your work responsibilities, including project deadlines, client meetings, staff inquiries, telephone/email access, etc. On that note, it's necessary to assure your boss that you are equipped to work from home; this means describing your home office (computer, software, fax, copier, separate phone line, etc.) Tell your boss that your office is in a separate room, so that his or she doesn't imagine you doing major deals on the kitchen table while the plumber fixes the faucet. It also means being clear that your children will not be under foot during business hours. State that your children are in school, indicating the hours, and/or that you are have a relative, nanny or other child care provider to mind them while you are working.
4. Once You've Got Your Deal, Don't Take it For Granted: The point of this tip is to keep the communication open with your boss. It's a given that you need to continue to perform well on your job, however you also need to regularly take the pulse of your supervisors to make sure they are still on board. Be proactive in keeping in touch with your colleagues and higher-ups, letting them know that while you may not be in the office as much, you're still in the loop and therefore expect to be contacted whenever necessary. It is particularly important to initiate a dialogue with your boss if now you're being passed over for plum assignments, key decisions are being made without your or someone less qualified is promoted over you.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Standing At the Crossroads of Your Life
At some point, everyone comes to the fork in the road. It's the time in your life when you can either stay on the known but unfulfilling path or veer off and follow your passions on an unfamiliar road. Unfortunately far too often, when people are faced with this decision they stick to the "devil that they know," rather than believe that they deserve more and better.
The moment of truth for most of us isn't usually earth shattering ---we don't learn that our husband has been having a torrid affair or that our six figure job is about to be eliminated. Most of us simply creep slowly and mindlessly to our personal crossroads. It starts as a nagging dissatisfaction, the thought that your life isn't where you would like it to be. You wonder why you are not happier with your relationship, your job or all of the accomplishments and things that you have on your tally sheet. It's easy to place these inconvenient thoughts on the back burner as you muddle through your daily routine, that is until something hits you. That something is a message from your inner consciousness, God, The Divine, The Universe, whatever you wish to call it. Spoken through a book, a movie, a newspaper/magazine article or a sermon,it speaks directly to your individual situation. That message either awakens you to what is REALLY possible for your life or it provides you with a tangible option. The problem is that most of us choose to ignore the message.
It's easier to pretend you didn't get the message because it calls for you to do something different without a guarantee of instant success. That is the rub, you know that your current path will net you more comfortable mediocrity, but doing something different, in the name of following our bliss, could be a bust (in the short term). In order to seek out better, you have to be willing to let go of what you have now. When you stand at the crossroads of your life, your choice of a path is determined by your faith. Not necessarily faith in the religious sense, but faith in yourself. You have to believe that if you follow your heart, you will be rewarded emotionally, spiritually and materially. Following your heart doesn't mean going off half-cocked, but it does mean recognizing that you must take a different road and then preparing yourself for the journey.
This morning I read about Michelle Nihei, a Ph.D who left her prestigious faculty position at Johns Hopkins to become a horse trainer and Keith Miller, a former professional football player who now sings with the Metropolitan Opera. There are no similarities between these two people except that they both came to a place where their passions led them to radically different life courses. They left the security of their former lives for the opportunity to pursue their passions. Even if these people are not successful by conventional standards, their lives are probably exponentially richer and happier.
So are you looking at a fork in the road right now? Will you stay put? OR Will you at least implement a plan so that you can step onto the new path? BELIEVE.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
The moment of truth for most of us isn't usually earth shattering ---we don't learn that our husband has been having a torrid affair or that our six figure job is about to be eliminated. Most of us simply creep slowly and mindlessly to our personal crossroads. It starts as a nagging dissatisfaction, the thought that your life isn't where you would like it to be. You wonder why you are not happier with your relationship, your job or all of the accomplishments and things that you have on your tally sheet. It's easy to place these inconvenient thoughts on the back burner as you muddle through your daily routine, that is until something hits you. That something is a message from your inner consciousness, God, The Divine, The Universe, whatever you wish to call it. Spoken through a book, a movie, a newspaper/magazine article or a sermon,it speaks directly to your individual situation. That message either awakens you to what is REALLY possible for your life or it provides you with a tangible option. The problem is that most of us choose to ignore the message.
It's easier to pretend you didn't get the message because it calls for you to do something different without a guarantee of instant success. That is the rub, you know that your current path will net you more comfortable mediocrity, but doing something different, in the name of following our bliss, could be a bust (in the short term). In order to seek out better, you have to be willing to let go of what you have now. When you stand at the crossroads of your life, your choice of a path is determined by your faith. Not necessarily faith in the religious sense, but faith in yourself. You have to believe that if you follow your heart, you will be rewarded emotionally, spiritually and materially. Following your heart doesn't mean going off half-cocked, but it does mean recognizing that you must take a different road and then preparing yourself for the journey.
This morning I read about Michelle Nihei, a Ph.D who left her prestigious faculty position at Johns Hopkins to become a horse trainer and Keith Miller, a former professional football player who now sings with the Metropolitan Opera. There are no similarities between these two people except that they both came to a place where their passions led them to radically different life courses. They left the security of their former lives for the opportunity to pursue their passions. Even if these people are not successful by conventional standards, their lives are probably exponentially richer and happier.
So are you looking at a fork in the road right now? Will you stay put? OR Will you at least implement a plan so that you can step onto the new path? BELIEVE.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Removing Emotional Crutches
Yesterday I finally got a Maryland license. This tidbit of information isn't important unless you also know these facts: 1) I drive every day; 2) I've lived in the Washington, DC area for about six years and 3) Relinquishing my NYS license cut to the psychological core of who I am/was/wanted to be.
I clung to the notion that in trading in my New York driver's license, I was in some way abandoning my roots---the people, experiences and places that made me who I am. I was extremely reluctant to let go of my New York identity. In my mind Maryland spelled "suburban mom," not hip, urbane chick. Frankly, I wasn't interested in replacing my stilettos with crocs. It took me a minute to realize that I could live in Silver Spring, Maryland and still be a sophisticated woman and mama.
It may sound silly but my New York license was my last tangible connection to my birthplace. My parents are both deceased and my sister now lives in Pennsylvania. Many of my childhood and college friends have also left New York City. We all remain die hard New Yorkers, however each of us left the city to pursue our educations or our careers. I initially came to Washington, DC to attend college and have bounced between the District and NYC a few times. Ironically I am in NYC at least once a month so many acquaintances still think that I live there. My five year old son however was born in Maryland and he's establishing his roots, so it's unlikely that I will be moving back to NYC anytime soon.
Unfortunately, dwelling on the life that "I once had," kept me stuck and unable to create a full life in my present. In the past year, after some soul searching, I've released work that I no longer enjoyed and some relationships that were no longer satisfying. I concluded that I also had to give up my NYS license. The epiphany was that if I didn't I probably miss out on new opportunities or new relationships in the Washington, DC area because I was pining away for my former NY life. By obtaining my Maryland license I took the scary but freeing step of accepting that I didn't stop being who I am because I changed my address. I realized that my job was to integrate my NY flava--my NY influences into my current life. I suppose I was rebelling against the mistaken idea that I'd have to conform....that I would have to give up a big chunk of who I am/have been to fit my "mom in the burbs" life.
The point of this yarn is not to have you throw out the mementos that are testaments to your life, but to recognize when symbols of your past are blocking your journey forward. Here's the way to if an item has become an emotional crutch: Does an object evoke a fond memory? OR Does the object make you yearn desperately for bygone days? If it's the latter, it's time to let it go. You can never replicate the past. Mooning over the fabulous times that you "used to have", or the chic, single woman that "you used to be" stops you from having new adventures today and being/creating the chic mom that you are/can be today. Remember, every moment spent living in the past is a minute that you are not enjoying your present.
I clung to the notion that in trading in my New York driver's license, I was in some way abandoning my roots---the people, experiences and places that made me who I am. I was extremely reluctant to let go of my New York identity. In my mind Maryland spelled "suburban mom," not hip, urbane chick. Frankly, I wasn't interested in replacing my stilettos with crocs. It took me a minute to realize that I could live in Silver Spring, Maryland and still be a sophisticated woman and mama.
It may sound silly but my New York license was my last tangible connection to my birthplace. My parents are both deceased and my sister now lives in Pennsylvania. Many of my childhood and college friends have also left New York City. We all remain die hard New Yorkers, however each of us left the city to pursue our educations or our careers. I initially came to Washington, DC to attend college and have bounced between the District and NYC a few times. Ironically I am in NYC at least once a month so many acquaintances still think that I live there. My five year old son however was born in Maryland and he's establishing his roots, so it's unlikely that I will be moving back to NYC anytime soon.
Unfortunately, dwelling on the life that "I once had," kept me stuck and unable to create a full life in my present. In the past year, after some soul searching, I've released work that I no longer enjoyed and some relationships that were no longer satisfying. I concluded that I also had to give up my NYS license. The epiphany was that if I didn't I probably miss out on new opportunities or new relationships in the Washington, DC area because I was pining away for my former NY life. By obtaining my Maryland license I took the scary but freeing step of accepting that I didn't stop being who I am because I changed my address. I realized that my job was to integrate my NY flava--my NY influences into my current life. I suppose I was rebelling against the mistaken idea that I'd have to conform....that I would have to give up a big chunk of who I am/have been to fit my "mom in the burbs" life.
The point of this yarn is not to have you throw out the mementos that are testaments to your life, but to recognize when symbols of your past are blocking your journey forward. Here's the way to if an item has become an emotional crutch: Does an object evoke a fond memory? OR Does the object make you yearn desperately for bygone days? If it's the latter, it's time to let it go. You can never replicate the past. Mooning over the fabulous times that you "used to have", or the chic, single woman that "you used to be" stops you from having new adventures today and being/creating the chic mom that you are/can be today. Remember, every moment spent living in the past is a minute that you are not enjoying your present.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Man Stealing and Other Self-Delusions
I've never understood the concept of a woman "stealing" a man from another woman. Certainly a woman can intentionally entice or seduce a man, but ultimately it's the man who decides to accept the offer or not. I was watching a music video the other day (I never caught the name of the artist---so much for BETJ) and I was really perplexed. The singer was chastising her boyfriend for dating another woman. In the video the guy is clearly enjoying himself with the "other woman," yet the singer is calling the other woman names and accusing her of trying to "steal" her man. The singer even physically confronts the woman in the nightclub. However most pathetic is the singer gyrating in the man's face, an attempt to convince the man that her stuff is more powerful than the next chick's....like that really matters. Throughout the video I just kept thinking, "If the man wants to go, let him go."
The concept of "stealing" a man places the onus of the betrayal or the breakdown of the relationship primarily on the "other women." It's largely a female idea---rarely do you hear a man saying that another man "stole" his woman. The notion that a man can be "stolen" or "taken," connotes ownership which is the basis of slavery, not a love relationship. A love relationship is based on both parties wanting to remain in the relationship; not one being shamed or manipulated into staying. Unfortunately when a person is intent on leaving their relationship (mentally, physically or both), there's little that you alone can do to stop them. Humans are essentially free agents, we come and go on our own volition.
What's most problematic is that the idea that a man can be stolen essentially absolves men of their responsibility to maintain honesty and integrity within their relationships. It is the man who decides that his desire to sleep with another woman is worth jeopardizing his present relationship. It is the man, not the "other woman," who repeatedly lies to maintain the affair, devaluing the bond that he has established with his current partner. Even if in the "other woman" is actually a worthless, lying tramp, the man decided to be with her. Infidelity isn't a matter to be taken lightly, but it's indicative of other problems either with the man's character or the relationship itself. Why then are women so ready to let men off the hook? Is it because many women, even unconsciously, still believe that "having a man" even a selfish, deceitful one is vital to their identity as women?
Unfortunately most women place a great deal of energy in getting a man, but seemingly little in determining whether the man is worth keeping. In the process of holding on to a man and a title (girlfriend, fiancee or wife) we frequently allow ourselves to be treated badly in the name of preserving the relationship. We forgive and forgive with stock statements like, "We've been together X many years," "He's a good man at heart," "He's going through a stressful time," "My children need a father," "All men are the same," or "My kids and I can't survive financially without him." The most empowering relationships however are between two equals who WANT to be together, but don't NEED to be together.
It seems to me that as long as women place the blame of betrayal or the breakdown on their relationships largely on the "other woman," they don't have to deal with important questions about the quality of their relationships, or the character of the men whom they are involved with, or whether or not they are desperate to maintain demeaning relationships because they want their men to fill voids (financial or emotional) that they should be taking care of themselves. There is rarely forever in love relationships, if nothing else, partners are separated by death. There is not secret to lasting love, but it definitely isn't achieved by holding pn to someone for dear life....especially someone who'se giving you their ass to kiss.
Loving someone requires give and take; it also involves regular, honest communications and the understanding that even the best relationships have their rough patches. However, if you are consistently begging someone to love you, to honor their vows to you, to pay attention to you, to give a damn about your feelings it's time to ask yourself, "Why do I love myself so little? Why am I willing to put up with such behavior? People do change, if they WANT to... but if months or years are passing and you're saying the same thing, it's doubtful that it's going to happen. Maybe it's time to release him and the relationship.
One of my favorite music videos about a failed relationship is Chrisette Michelle, She's hurt and disappointed but she respects and loves herself enough to move on.
I'm Leaving
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
The concept of "stealing" a man places the onus of the betrayal or the breakdown of the relationship primarily on the "other women." It's largely a female idea---rarely do you hear a man saying that another man "stole" his woman. The notion that a man can be "stolen" or "taken," connotes ownership which is the basis of slavery, not a love relationship. A love relationship is based on both parties wanting to remain in the relationship; not one being shamed or manipulated into staying. Unfortunately when a person is intent on leaving their relationship (mentally, physically or both), there's little that you alone can do to stop them. Humans are essentially free agents, we come and go on our own volition.
What's most problematic is that the idea that a man can be stolen essentially absolves men of their responsibility to maintain honesty and integrity within their relationships. It is the man who decides that his desire to sleep with another woman is worth jeopardizing his present relationship. It is the man, not the "other woman," who repeatedly lies to maintain the affair, devaluing the bond that he has established with his current partner. Even if in the "other woman" is actually a worthless, lying tramp, the man decided to be with her. Infidelity isn't a matter to be taken lightly, but it's indicative of other problems either with the man's character or the relationship itself. Why then are women so ready to let men off the hook? Is it because many women, even unconsciously, still believe that "having a man" even a selfish, deceitful one is vital to their identity as women?
Unfortunately most women place a great deal of energy in getting a man, but seemingly little in determining whether the man is worth keeping. In the process of holding on to a man and a title (girlfriend, fiancee or wife) we frequently allow ourselves to be treated badly in the name of preserving the relationship. We forgive and forgive with stock statements like, "We've been together X many years," "He's a good man at heart," "He's going through a stressful time," "My children need a father," "All men are the same," or "My kids and I can't survive financially without him." The most empowering relationships however are between two equals who WANT to be together, but don't NEED to be together.
It seems to me that as long as women place the blame of betrayal or the breakdown on their relationships largely on the "other woman," they don't have to deal with important questions about the quality of their relationships, or the character of the men whom they are involved with, or whether or not they are desperate to maintain demeaning relationships because they want their men to fill voids (financial or emotional) that they should be taking care of themselves. There is rarely forever in love relationships, if nothing else, partners are separated by death. There is not secret to lasting love, but it definitely isn't achieved by holding pn to someone for dear life....especially someone who'se giving you their ass to kiss.
Loving someone requires give and take; it also involves regular, honest communications and the understanding that even the best relationships have their rough patches. However, if you are consistently begging someone to love you, to honor their vows to you, to pay attention to you, to give a damn about your feelings it's time to ask yourself, "Why do I love myself so little? Why am I willing to put up with such behavior? People do change, if they WANT to... but if months or years are passing and you're saying the same thing, it's doubtful that it's going to happen. Maybe it's time to release him and the relationship.
One of my favorite music videos about a failed relationship is Chrisette Michelle, She's hurt and disappointed but she respects and loves herself enough to move on.
I'm Leaving
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Doing Your Best
This morning at breakfast my five year old son said, "You are the best of mommies." As I tried to hold back my tears, I replied, "I try, I try very hard." I do my best for my son everyday, not because I am seeking his praise, but because I have the intention of being the very best mother that I can be to him. In life that's all you can do---try your best.
Some days you'll triumph and on other days you'll flounder or straight-up fail. The key to remember is that the people closest to you, the ones who matter most, are not seeking perfection from you. They merely want to feel that you care enough about them, their feelings and their wishes to do your best by them on a regular basis.
Some of us take on a bunch a projects or try to cater to a zillion friends and acquaintances, knowing full well that we aren't interested in or really capable of doing our best by them. It's no wonder that neither you nor the people you are claiming to serve feel satisfied with your efforts. Half-stepping really isn't worth it. Do something because you love it and want to give it your all....or just don't bother.
It's forseeable that later on this afternoon, my son will "quit me" because I'll decline his request for another snack or because I'll tell him that TV time is over. Again, I'm making my decisions, not to be a scold, but because I love him.
I usually explain the reasons for my actions to him and I do my best to give him more yes'es than no's. So even when he's perturbed that he didn't get his way, he knows that mommy is doing her best for him...and that's what matters.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Some days you'll triumph and on other days you'll flounder or straight-up fail. The key to remember is that the people closest to you, the ones who matter most, are not seeking perfection from you. They merely want to feel that you care enough about them, their feelings and their wishes to do your best by them on a regular basis.
Some of us take on a bunch a projects or try to cater to a zillion friends and acquaintances, knowing full well that we aren't interested in or really capable of doing our best by them. It's no wonder that neither you nor the people you are claiming to serve feel satisfied with your efforts. Half-stepping really isn't worth it. Do something because you love it and want to give it your all....or just don't bother.
It's forseeable that later on this afternoon, my son will "quit me" because I'll decline his request for another snack or because I'll tell him that TV time is over. Again, I'm making my decisions, not to be a scold, but because I love him.
I usually explain the reasons for my actions to him and I do my best to give him more yes'es than no's. So even when he's perturbed that he didn't get his way, he knows that mommy is doing her best for him...and that's what matters.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
You Have a Right to Change and Grow
There are some people in your life who want you to stand still. They are uncomfortable with the idea of you changing or doing new things. These people understand that as you evolve they will either have to step up their own games or be left behind. We all have the right to grow and to experience new realities for ourselves. Beware of the person who wants you to be exactly the same person that you were when they met you. While your core values and beliefs needn't change, it's no badge of honor not to grow as a person...living the exact same life as you have for years on end.
Back in the day I rocked to the rap group Heavy D and the Boyz. Heavy D,the "Overweight Love" was known for a string of successful songs including, "Now That We Found Love," "Nuthin' But Love" and "Overweight Lover's in the House". Today the Jamaican born, Dwight Meyers is tearing up the reggae music scene with his album Vibes (Stride Entertainment, 2008). Today on The Tom Joyner Radio Show, Meyers said that when his child was born he wanted to be an engaged father and consequently he put his career on hold. When Meyers went back into the studio he said that he couldn't produce another Heavy D album, instead he went with his passions and created Vibes. As an established rap artist, he took a gigantic risk to produce an album that was entirely reggae. (His "Livin' Single" partner, rap artist Queen Latifah made a similar move with her R&B album, The Dana Owen Album [Interscope, 2004]) But Heavy D's life had changed, his priorities had changed and for him his music also needed to change.
Many of us get locked into a job title or an identity in our 20s and ten or even twenty years later we are petrified to release it so that we can transition to the next phase of our lives. We'll hold on to the familiar version of ourselves even when it no longer serves us. Your life should be guided by your interests and by your needs, as they stand today. Every time we do something new there is are inherent risks that it may fail and that people may not like it. However when you fail to take risks you are relegating yourself to stagnation. You are consigning yourself to a life that is not filled with joy or excitement, just predictable routines.
Heavy D took a leap of faith and in 2009 he was rewarded with a Grammy nomination for "Best Reggae Album." Maybe no one is going to give you an award for following your passions and evolving your life, but living a vibrant, fulfilling life is reward in itself.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Back in the day I rocked to the rap group Heavy D and the Boyz. Heavy D,the "Overweight Love" was known for a string of successful songs including, "Now That We Found Love," "Nuthin' But Love" and "Overweight Lover's in the House". Today the Jamaican born, Dwight Meyers is tearing up the reggae music scene with his album Vibes (Stride Entertainment, 2008). Today on The Tom Joyner Radio Show, Meyers said that when his child was born he wanted to be an engaged father and consequently he put his career on hold. When Meyers went back into the studio he said that he couldn't produce another Heavy D album, instead he went with his passions and created Vibes. As an established rap artist, he took a gigantic risk to produce an album that was entirely reggae. (His "Livin' Single" partner, rap artist Queen Latifah made a similar move with her R&B album, The Dana Owen Album [Interscope, 2004]) But Heavy D's life had changed, his priorities had changed and for him his music also needed to change.
Many of us get locked into a job title or an identity in our 20s and ten or even twenty years later we are petrified to release it so that we can transition to the next phase of our lives. We'll hold on to the familiar version of ourselves even when it no longer serves us. Your life should be guided by your interests and by your needs, as they stand today. Every time we do something new there is are inherent risks that it may fail and that people may not like it. However when you fail to take risks you are relegating yourself to stagnation. You are consigning yourself to a life that is not filled with joy or excitement, just predictable routines.
Heavy D took a leap of faith and in 2009 he was rewarded with a Grammy nomination for "Best Reggae Album." Maybe no one is going to give you an award for following your passions and evolving your life, but living a vibrant, fulfilling life is reward in itself.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Five
"Get in the Game"
There are two games in life: Playing to Win and Playing NOT to lose. Most people are playing the latter. Playing NOT to lose is about avoidance. We're so afraid of taking risks, failing and looking foolish that we never position ourselves to win. You simply can't succeed if your chief intention is to play it safe.
Here are some suggestions for getting in the game:
1) Jump In. Set an intention and become ruthless about reaching your goal. If you want to make $50K next year, don't accept an offer for a job paying $35K. Be willing to stick to your guns and keep looking---OR if you're considering the $35K job be willing to make up the difference with a part-time job, or make sure the position pays a commission.
2) Be Persistent. Whatever it takes, on a daily basis move your money agenda forward. This includes making sales calls, networking, speaking, blogging, getting involved with company or community groups. All of your efforts should be tied to a profit mentality---gaining skills or contacts that can make you more money. Most important, don't make excuses why you can't regularly take steps toward your money goal.
3) Create Opportunities for Yourself. Follow through on chance occurrences. How often have you met a potential contact, had a fruitful conversation, asked for his/her business card and then failed to call the person? Similarly how many times have you sat in a business meeting and realized that there was a need or an untapped market that wasn't being addressed by the group....but you remained silent? In each instance, through follow-up there was a chance to advance your own money interests. A new higher paying job opportunity may have been created by cultivating a new acquaintance or by crafting a new project or job for yourself in your current company.
4) Ignore the naysayers. There is always someone in your life, a friend, a spouse, a co-worker or a boss who will tell you that you can't accomplish what it is you want to do. They'll lay out your lack of qualifications, your temperment, your family situation or the fact that it's never been done the way you intend as reasons why you should stop trying. Most naysayers mean well, but they only know what they know...they don't have the definitive truth about you, your goals or the various pathways to your goal. The only thing that can prevent you from achieving your goals is you. Every day people beat the odds and defy conventional wisdom. Be willing to thank the naysayers for their counsel and concern, but keep moving in the direction of dreams.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
How are you keeping yourself out of the game?
Review the four points and determine how your current actions are keeping you stuck in a low paying position.
--are you making excuses, such as the economy is bad for why you are not pursuing a higher paying position?
--are you only taking sporadic actions toward your money goal?
--are you failing to recognize opportunities for career advancement?
--are you letting naysayers dissuade you about your goals?
What can you do instead in these areas to get closer to your money goals?
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
There are two games in life: Playing to Win and Playing NOT to lose. Most people are playing the latter. Playing NOT to lose is about avoidance. We're so afraid of taking risks, failing and looking foolish that we never position ourselves to win. You simply can't succeed if your chief intention is to play it safe.
Here are some suggestions for getting in the game:
1) Jump In. Set an intention and become ruthless about reaching your goal. If you want to make $50K next year, don't accept an offer for a job paying $35K. Be willing to stick to your guns and keep looking---OR if you're considering the $35K job be willing to make up the difference with a part-time job, or make sure the position pays a commission.
2) Be Persistent. Whatever it takes, on a daily basis move your money agenda forward. This includes making sales calls, networking, speaking, blogging, getting involved with company or community groups. All of your efforts should be tied to a profit mentality---gaining skills or contacts that can make you more money. Most important, don't make excuses why you can't regularly take steps toward your money goal.
3) Create Opportunities for Yourself. Follow through on chance occurrences. How often have you met a potential contact, had a fruitful conversation, asked for his/her business card and then failed to call the person? Similarly how many times have you sat in a business meeting and realized that there was a need or an untapped market that wasn't being addressed by the group....but you remained silent? In each instance, through follow-up there was a chance to advance your own money interests. A new higher paying job opportunity may have been created by cultivating a new acquaintance or by crafting a new project or job for yourself in your current company.
4) Ignore the naysayers. There is always someone in your life, a friend, a spouse, a co-worker or a boss who will tell you that you can't accomplish what it is you want to do. They'll lay out your lack of qualifications, your temperment, your family situation or the fact that it's never been done the way you intend as reasons why you should stop trying. Most naysayers mean well, but they only know what they know...they don't have the definitive truth about you, your goals or the various pathways to your goal. The only thing that can prevent you from achieving your goals is you. Every day people beat the odds and defy conventional wisdom. Be willing to thank the naysayers for their counsel and concern, but keep moving in the direction of dreams.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
How are you keeping yourself out of the game?
Review the four points and determine how your current actions are keeping you stuck in a low paying position.
--are you making excuses, such as the economy is bad for why you are not pursuing a higher paying position?
--are you only taking sporadic actions toward your money goal?
--are you failing to recognize opportunities for career advancement?
--are you letting naysayers dissuade you about your goals?
What can you do instead in these areas to get closer to your money goals?
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Four
In Day Three of the series I talked to you about intention. While intention is a magnet that attracts what you want, "letting go" provides the space for your desire to manifest.
There's a saying that two things can't occupy the same space. Essentially this means that to get where you want to go, you have to let of where you are. The letting go could be literal or figurative in the form of: limiting beliefs, a bad relationship, bad habits, a low paying job, possessions, inappropriate goals, etc.
Clinging to the security of the familiar stops you for discovering what opportunities are in your future. Holding on the the "safety" of a job, a relationship or detrimental thinking gets you more of the same: debt, burnout, boredom and personal frustration. True growth comes when you can take a leap of faith---off of the ledge of illusory safety. Once you let go you can take concrete steps toward having a financial richer and more personally fulfilling life.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
What are you doing in your life that you already KNOW is bad for you. Are you holding on to a job that makes you miserable? Are you holding on to a relationship that depletes your energy? Are you holding on to negative beliefs about yourself that you hindering your progress?
First ask yourself why are you holding on.
Then ask yourself what would you do if the situation disappeared tomorrow. For example you were laid off or your partner/friend ended your relationship.
Finally ask yourself, what the steps can you can take today to end the situation and move into a more fulfilling and rewarding situation.
Change doesn't always happen swiftly, but it's a certainty that you can't go from broke and miserable to financially secure and happy without letting go of some of your detrimental thinking and actions.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
There's a saying that two things can't occupy the same space. Essentially this means that to get where you want to go, you have to let of where you are. The letting go could be literal or figurative in the form of: limiting beliefs, a bad relationship, bad habits, a low paying job, possessions, inappropriate goals, etc.
Clinging to the security of the familiar stops you for discovering what opportunities are in your future. Holding on the the "safety" of a job, a relationship or detrimental thinking gets you more of the same: debt, burnout, boredom and personal frustration. True growth comes when you can take a leap of faith---off of the ledge of illusory safety. Once you let go you can take concrete steps toward having a financial richer and more personally fulfilling life.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
What are you doing in your life that you already KNOW is bad for you. Are you holding on to a job that makes you miserable? Are you holding on to a relationship that depletes your energy? Are you holding on to negative beliefs about yourself that you hindering your progress?
First ask yourself why are you holding on.
Then ask yourself what would you do if the situation disappeared tomorrow. For example you were laid off or your partner/friend ended your relationship.
Finally ask yourself, what the steps can you can take today to end the situation and move into a more fulfilling and rewarding situation.
Change doesn't always happen swiftly, but it's a certainty that you can't go from broke and miserable to financially secure and happy without letting go of some of your detrimental thinking and actions.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Sunday, June 28, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Three
Practically every high income woman comes to point in her life when she makes the "money decision." It's when she says to herself, "it's time to make for me to make some money." While some women come to this decision early in their careers, for others the change comes later in life. The late bloomers are often prompted by a divorce, a lay-off or an illness that results in mounting debt or a diminished lifestyle.
Initially it's not necessary that you have a full blown plan of action. However the intention to make more money, becomes the basis for making new and different choices about your income and finances. Cultivating a "profit mentality" (see Day Two) calls for you to value the worth of your services appropriately. Having a profit mentality also means that you eliminate both the time wasting activities and the excuses that are keeping you from achieving your goal.
If you want to know your strongest intention regarding money---simply look at your current life. If you say that you want to make more money but you're in debt, in a low-paying job, you can't find the time to do what it takes to make more money or money simply eludes you---either you have not set an intention to make money or you have actually decided not be be financially successful. Remember no decision is still a decision.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Sit down with a piece of paper and write down that today you are intending to generate make more money.
1. Include a set dollar amount that you intend to make in the next 12 months.
2. Connect the money you intend to make to a concrete goal. For instance, I will use this extra $10,000 to pay down credit card bills, make a downpayment on a house; invest in my retirement fund or take a vacation.
3. Brainstorm about what steps you can take immediately to generate more income. (Be aware of internal resistence that you will feel---push past it)
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Initially it's not necessary that you have a full blown plan of action. However the intention to make more money, becomes the basis for making new and different choices about your income and finances. Cultivating a "profit mentality" (see Day Two) calls for you to value the worth of your services appropriately. Having a profit mentality also means that you eliminate both the time wasting activities and the excuses that are keeping you from achieving your goal.
If you want to know your strongest intention regarding money---simply look at your current life. If you say that you want to make more money but you're in debt, in a low-paying job, you can't find the time to do what it takes to make more money or money simply eludes you---either you have not set an intention to make money or you have actually decided not be be financially successful. Remember no decision is still a decision.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Sit down with a piece of paper and write down that today you are intending to generate make more money.
1. Include a set dollar amount that you intend to make in the next 12 months.
2. Connect the money you intend to make to a concrete goal. For instance, I will use this extra $10,000 to pay down credit card bills, make a downpayment on a house; invest in my retirement fund or take a vacation.
3. Brainstorm about what steps you can take immediately to generate more income. (Be aware of internal resistence that you will feel---push past it)
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Two
Yesterday I gave you some tips about finding out what would motivate you to make more money. Money as we discussed is merely a result--the endpoint. There has to be come strong emotional pull or goal that is going to make you undertake the work needed to change your mind-set and actions toward money.
The next step is to look at the shared characteristics of a power earners. It's important to look at the similarities between successful people as a way to change your own attitudes and behaviors.
Here are the four key traits of high-income women:
1. Profit-Mentality: They expect to be well compensated for their time, talent and/or expertise. They want to make money because they enjoy what money gives them.
2. Daring: They have a willingness to stretch beyond their comfort zones and try something that she's not altogether sure she can accomplish.
3. Resilience: They have ability to get up and brush herself off when she's faced with an obstacle or a flat-out failure.
4. Supportive network: They have nurturing friendships and personal relationships. There are people in their lives who cheer them on and encourage them to keep moving toward their goals.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Compare the 4 traits of high-income women to yourself. This exercise is not designed to make you feel bad. The purpose is to have you clearly assess how your beliefs,a ctions and relationships are impacting your ability to take that steps that would earn you more money. Afterwards look at each quality of power-earners and in each area decide on one step that you could take immediately to make a change. For instance you may decide to raise your rates or cut-back on "volunteering" your services unless you are REALLY passionate about the project.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
The next step is to look at the shared characteristics of a power earners. It's important to look at the similarities between successful people as a way to change your own attitudes and behaviors.
Here are the four key traits of high-income women:
1. Profit-Mentality: They expect to be well compensated for their time, talent and/or expertise. They want to make money because they enjoy what money gives them.
2. Daring: They have a willingness to stretch beyond their comfort zones and try something that she's not altogether sure she can accomplish.
3. Resilience: They have ability to get up and brush herself off when she's faced with an obstacle or a flat-out failure.
4. Supportive network: They have nurturing friendships and personal relationships. There are people in their lives who cheer them on and encourage them to keep moving toward their goals.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Compare the 4 traits of high-income women to yourself. This exercise is not designed to make you feel bad. The purpose is to have you clearly assess how your beliefs,a ctions and relationships are impacting your ability to take that steps that would earn you more money. Afterwards look at each quality of power-earners and in each area decide on one step that you could take immediately to make a change. For instance you may decide to raise your rates or cut-back on "volunteering" your services unless you are REALLY passionate about the project.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Monday, June 15, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day One
One of the chief complaints I hear from women, particularly working mothers is that "I need to make more money." That "money" maybe for essentials like rent or food, or to leave a bad marriage or to provide their families with some well deserved extras. Women are notorious underearners. I describe an underearner as someone who consistently makes less income than she needs or that would be beneficial for her life and family, usually for no clear reason and despite her stated desire to do otherwise.
So today, on our first day of "7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama" I am going to ask to you focus on your values rather than on making money.
Most high-income women say that money does not motivate them. They state their success and the money that followed are related to what money meant to them. Some of the values that high earning women associated with money are:
financial independence/freedom: the ability to take care of themselves and their children.
autonomy: the means to create the work environment and lifestyle that they desire.
service to others: the capacity to support and promote causes, ideas and people that are important to them.
fame being recognized locally, nationally or internationally as one of the best in a given field.
choices: being able to explore what the world has to offer.
To begin your journey to becoming a power earner, remember:
Money in nothing more than a tool for exchange---in and of itself it has no meaning.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
For the moment, let's not talk about money. Instead list 5 of your key values---things have actually motivated to you action in the past-- things that speak to who you are as a person. From that list decide which one is the strongest motivator---meaning that the idea of achieving or experiencing it could spur you to make different choices about your work and life.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
So today, on our first day of "7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama" I am going to ask to you focus on your values rather than on making money.
Most high-income women say that money does not motivate them. They state their success and the money that followed are related to what money meant to them. Some of the values that high earning women associated with money are:
financial independence/freedom: the ability to take care of themselves and their children.
autonomy: the means to create the work environment and lifestyle that they desire.
service to others: the capacity to support and promote causes, ideas and people that are important to them.
fame being recognized locally, nationally or internationally as one of the best in a given field.
choices: being able to explore what the world has to offer.
To begin your journey to becoming a power earner, remember:
Money in nothing more than a tool for exchange---in and of itself it has no meaning.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
For the moment, let's not talk about money. Instead list 5 of your key values---things have actually motivated to you action in the past-- things that speak to who you are as a person. From that list decide which one is the strongest motivator---meaning that the idea of achieving or experiencing it could spur you to make different choices about your work and life.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Becoming Free by Learning To Let it Go
Writer Sally Klimpton in a wonderful article in Yoga Journal discusses practicing detachment. The language is simple and encourages each of us,not to live in isolation, but to learn that worrying about or clinging to a person or situation will not bring us happiness. Ultimately we have to release the person or circumstance and let it take its natural course---toward us or away from us.
Klimpton says:
It took me a few years of throwing out the baby instead of the bathwater to figure out that detachment is not about external things. In fact, as is so often the case with the big issues of spiritual life, detachment involves a deep paradox. It's true that those without a lot of clutter in their lives have more time for inner practice. But in the long run, disengaging ourselves from family, possessions, political activism, friendships, and career pursuits can actually impoverish our inner lives. Engagement with people and places, skills and ideas, money and possessions is what grounds inner practice in reality. Without these external relationships, and the pressure they create, it's hard to learn compassion; to whittle away at anger, pride, and hardness of heart; to put spiritual insights into action.
So we can't use detachment as an excuse not to deal with fundamental issues such as livelihood, power, self-esteem, and relationships with other people. (Well, we can, but eventually those issues will rise up and smack us in the face, like an insulted ingenue in a 1950s movie.) Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity. Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace.
To read the entire article: Just Let Go
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Klimpton says:
It took me a few years of throwing out the baby instead of the bathwater to figure out that detachment is not about external things. In fact, as is so often the case with the big issues of spiritual life, detachment involves a deep paradox. It's true that those without a lot of clutter in their lives have more time for inner practice. But in the long run, disengaging ourselves from family, possessions, political activism, friendships, and career pursuits can actually impoverish our inner lives. Engagement with people and places, skills and ideas, money and possessions is what grounds inner practice in reality. Without these external relationships, and the pressure they create, it's hard to learn compassion; to whittle away at anger, pride, and hardness of heart; to put spiritual insights into action.
So we can't use detachment as an excuse not to deal with fundamental issues such as livelihood, power, self-esteem, and relationships with other people. (Well, we can, but eventually those issues will rise up and smack us in the face, like an insulted ingenue in a 1950s movie.) Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity. Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace.
To read the entire article: Just Let Go
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Stoke Your Creativity by Trying Something New
When were in your twenties you woke up everyday to possibility. You believed that opportunities were coming your way and you were fertile with new ideas. In your gut, you believed that you were going to do big things and live large. At that time in your life you believed that any day your life would take off---you'd be transformed into the brilliant, urbane and dynamic---artist, entrepreneur, corporate executive, lawyer...fill in the blank, that you always dreamed of being. Additionally, you'd have a fabulous home, great friends, take luxury trips and have a loving and adoring partner.
As you crept into your thirties or forties you began to become "more realistic" and your creativity began to wane. It seems that you lost interest in big dreams, and you were using your precious little energy just to get through each day. You are probably engaged in a demanding career and have a variety of family obligations. You see yourself more in the past tense, than in the future. Your personal dreams and ambitions have taken a back seat to the practical matters of your life.
How do you reinvigorate yourself? One secret to sustaining creativity and a zest for life is being open to new experiences. Do something different, take a risk, stretch yourself. Professionally, you don't have to quit your job, but you may want to change direction in your current field. Personally, you could take a class, try a new restaurant or better yet take a trip to a new destination---anything that takes you out of your comfort zone.
Enjoying your life and continuing to see new opportunities is do-able. This can be achieved by seeing your life as a book with new chapters that you can still discover---rather than as a sitcom rerun you've seen a million times before.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
As you crept into your thirties or forties you began to become "more realistic" and your creativity began to wane. It seems that you lost interest in big dreams, and you were using your precious little energy just to get through each day. You are probably engaged in a demanding career and have a variety of family obligations. You see yourself more in the past tense, than in the future. Your personal dreams and ambitions have taken a back seat to the practical matters of your life.
How do you reinvigorate yourself? One secret to sustaining creativity and a zest for life is being open to new experiences. Do something different, take a risk, stretch yourself. Professionally, you don't have to quit your job, but you may want to change direction in your current field. Personally, you could take a class, try a new restaurant or better yet take a trip to a new destination---anything that takes you out of your comfort zone.
Enjoying your life and continuing to see new opportunities is do-able. This can be achieved by seeing your life as a book with new chapters that you can still discover---rather than as a sitcom rerun you've seen a million times before.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Don't Plan a Career, Instead Prepare & Build Skills
Sophisticated Woman and Mama Business Tip:
Clarence Otis, Jr. CEO of Darden Restaurants (Red Lobster, Olive Garden and Capital Grille) says the he received some particularly good career advice. It was, "As you think about career, it's not about planning it. Things are too dynamic; there's too much going on; there are too many things that'll pop up, good and bad. It's not about planning and career planning; it's about preparation and building skills. And if you do that, then you'll recover from the mishaps, and you'll be able to take advantage of the opportunities."
What preparation do you need to jumpstart?
What skills do you need to develop or build?
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Clarence Otis, Jr. CEO of Darden Restaurants (Red Lobster, Olive Garden and Capital Grille) says the he received some particularly good career advice. It was, "As you think about career, it's not about planning it. Things are too dynamic; there's too much going on; there are too many things that'll pop up, good and bad. It's not about planning and career planning; it's about preparation and building skills. And if you do that, then you'll recover from the mishaps, and you'll be able to take advantage of the opportunities."
What preparation do you need to jumpstart?
What skills do you need to develop or build?
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Writing a Daily Script for Success
A person's thoughts--or rather what they focus on in a large part determines how his/her life unfolds. If that's the case, people can decide what kind of day that they'd like to have, what people they should meet or encounter and what they'd like to accomplish. Unfortuately, many of us are not able to successful create the lives that we wish.
According to business coach and intuitive, Mariana M Cooper:
The secret to getting these circumstances to occur is to ASK!! Believe it or not we seem to be much better about visualizing the BIG PICTURE. The big house, the new car, the great guy or gal who is our ULTIMATE soul mate, the windfall of money is what we envision. That is great! And it is important to have that big vision.
BUT here is the secret: You MUST visualize how you want the small in between steps to unfold as well! You must ASK for the resources, the next steps to take toward your ultimate goals that are for your highest good, the helpful people that can really move you forward etc.
Here is what I do each morning and it WORKS really well:
As you awake say "Thank you"
Then ask "How May I Serve?"
Then Script Your Day by declaring: "Today I see myself meeting a person who will...... or Today I will have an amazing money miracle that really propels me forward... or Today I am in the right place, at the right time meeting all the right people...
You can also take some time to actually visualize yourself solving a particular issue, having an easy time with a customer service agent, feeling surprised at the end of the day about how fabulous it all went...
Let yourself get emotional about it and feel the essence of your script coming to fruition!
And then LET IT GO!!!! Refrain from analyzing whether it is going to happen or if this works or why it works for someone else and not you etc etc.
According to business coach and intuitive, Mariana M Cooper:
The secret to getting these circumstances to occur is to ASK!! Believe it or not we seem to be much better about visualizing the BIG PICTURE. The big house, the new car, the great guy or gal who is our ULTIMATE soul mate, the windfall of money is what we envision. That is great! And it is important to have that big vision.
BUT here is the secret: You MUST visualize how you want the small in between steps to unfold as well! You must ASK for the resources, the next steps to take toward your ultimate goals that are for your highest good, the helpful people that can really move you forward etc.
Here is what I do each morning and it WORKS really well:
As you awake say "Thank you"
Then ask "How May I Serve?"
Then Script Your Day by declaring: "Today I see myself meeting a person who will...... or Today I will have an amazing money miracle that really propels me forward... or Today I am in the right place, at the right time meeting all the right people...
You can also take some time to actually visualize yourself solving a particular issue, having an easy time with a customer service agent, feeling surprised at the end of the day about how fabulous it all went...
Let yourself get emotional about it and feel the essence of your script coming to fruition!
And then LET IT GO!!!! Refrain from analyzing whether it is going to happen or if this works or why it works for someone else and not you etc etc.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Power of Choice
People either love the film The Matrix or hate it. There's a variety of theories about the film and what it's real message is. In actually The Matrix's futuristic setting is nothing more than a backdrop to explore age old concepts such as truth and choice. The main idea is that we have the choice to pursue truth and realign our thinking or we can opt to do nothing and accept a false reality.
In the film Neo (Kenau Reeves) decides to pursue the truth and immediately awakens to another world; it's a reality quite different from what he had previously been led to believe in. Ultimately seeking the truth may lead you to have to examine who you are and what you believe in. It may also irrevocably alter the course of your life and relationships. Each person has to decide for his or her self which is better: to seek the truth or to exist in an illusion.
In the film Neo (Kenau Reeves) decides to pursue the truth and immediately awakens to another world; it's a reality quite different from what he had previously been led to believe in. Ultimately seeking the truth may lead you to have to examine who you are and what you believe in. It may also irrevocably alter the course of your life and relationships. Each person has to decide for his or her self which is better: to seek the truth or to exist in an illusion.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Achieving Goals with the Law of Least Effort
Many of us are trying to "make things happen." That's great unless that the thing that you're fixating on isn't really part of your life path, isn't really a true desire of your heart. In the instances when you are pursuing goals that aren't really for you, it's inevitable that you will fail and that before you experience the final gut wrenching failure, you will have taken a journey that was difficult and frustrating.
The key principle of the law of least resistance is that you expend less energy when your energies are motivated by love. This doesn't mean that you can just sit down and meditate and poof something occurs. However it means that when you are guided by love, rather than fear, you will be in the flow. You'll thoroughly enjoy the path that you are on, the people and resources that you need will appear and problems will be resolved quickly. It means that you are following the signs and opportunities that present themselves in your life. It also means that you out in the world engaging new people, new ideas and new realities.
Deepak Chopera says in The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: When you seek power and control over people you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence.
Think about about your life as if you are swimming in the ocean. You can choose to swim with the current and joyfully glide to your destination....experiencing a few bumps and some minor detours. You could however choose to swim against the current, fighting with every stroke to subdue the water and stay on your course. So which is it? Are you going with the flow of yor life and enjoying the ride or are you resisting, in a constant struggle to keep your head above water?
=============================
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe, The Working Moms Mentor, is the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.workingmomsmentor.com
The key principle of the law of least resistance is that you expend less energy when your energies are motivated by love. This doesn't mean that you can just sit down and meditate and poof something occurs. However it means that when you are guided by love, rather than fear, you will be in the flow. You'll thoroughly enjoy the path that you are on, the people and resources that you need will appear and problems will be resolved quickly. It means that you are following the signs and opportunities that present themselves in your life. It also means that you out in the world engaging new people, new ideas and new realities.
Deepak Chopera says in The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: When you seek power and control over people you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature's intelligence.
Think about about your life as if you are swimming in the ocean. You can choose to swim with the current and joyfully glide to your destination....experiencing a few bumps and some minor detours. You could however choose to swim against the current, fighting with every stroke to subdue the water and stay on your course. So which is it? Are you going with the flow of yor life and enjoying the ride or are you resisting, in a constant struggle to keep your head above water?
=============================
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:
Yvonne Bynoe, The Working Moms Mentor, is the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.workingmomsmentor.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
