On of the steps of my Working Moms Balancing System (TM) is "Build A Strong Financial Vision." I coach working mothers on the importance of organizing their financial lives to support their families, in the unfortunate event that they get sick or die.
On the CNBC program, "In the Money" family attorney, Alexis Martin Neely
discussed the five legal documents everyone needs, ESPECIALLY if you have children.
Those 5 Documents Are:
1. Guardianship documents for your children. You may need to have a short-term guardian to take care of your children in case you are hospitalized. You may also need a long-term guardian in the event you are permanently incapacitated or die. Martin suggests keeping the names of your children's
guardian(s) in your wallet in case of an accident. Get her FREE Kids Protection Kit
2. A Will: This document will dictate to whom you want your personal property and money to go to.
3. A Living Trust:. This document will indicate how you want your house, rental property and other assets to be distributed. A living trust is a way to avoid probate court.
4. A Durable Power of Attorney: This document gives another adult the legal authority to conduct your personal business (e.g.banking, paying bills) and/or to make decisions on your behalf in the event that you are unable to do so.
5. An Advance Healthcare Directive: In the event that you are unable to voice your wishes, this documents gives doctors and medical personnel instructions about the type(s) of medical treatment, procedures and lifesaving measures you want performed.
See Alexis Martin Neely's entire CNBC interview:
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Being a Perfectionist is Over-Rated
I checked Facebook this morning and found a wonderful "note" from a friend, Nikki Duncan-Smith; she sent it out to her friendship circle. I had the pleasure of meeting Nikki years ago before there was Facebook. She's a wonderful writer, wife and mother. So I wanted to share these words of wisdom--- about releasing our need to be perfect that she passed on to her friends.
It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection—especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.
In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood—an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else’s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent t o being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.
It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection—especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.
In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood—an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else’s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent t o being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.
Friday, March 6, 2009
How to Achieve Goals that REALLY Matter to You
Recently I was asked, "What do you tell someone who’s doing all the things you’re supposed to--- affirmations, managing her time, taking actions but she’s still not reaching her goals? I responded that if a person is doing all of the "right" thing and she is not making any progress it’s time for her to re-examine her goals. To put it plainly it’s time for the woman to come clean with herself. She has to decide whether the goal that is eluding her is something that she actually wants or something that she thinks that she "should" want.
Unfortunately too many working mothers make decisions about their lives based on "shoulds" rather than on their wants. This list of "shoulds" is often quite lengthy and is usually a collection of the opinions and thoughts of the woman’s family and friends. It includes a variety of categories such as "how she should dress," "how she should parent her children," "who she should be friends with," what kind of car she should drive" and "what kind of wife/partner she should be." If a woman just follows the list of "shoulds," she pleases her friends and family but she isn’t asking herself whether or not the items on that list correspond to her true beliefs and desires. What this means is that if the woman’s stated goal isn’t in alignment with the her values and principles, it’s unlikely that she will attain it. You may ask why?
If a person is really committed to a goal that is aligned with her core values, she’ll do WHATEVER it takes to achieve it. WHATEVER could mean getting a new job, going back to school, moving to a new city, hiring a coach, ending a relationship or cutting back on commitments. However if the woman is lukewarm about the goal, she’s only make half-hearted measures to achieve----despite lip service to the contrary. I’ve said over and over to clients that people do the hard, difficult work when some really matters to them, when they really want change. If a person isn’t willing to put in the time, sweat or tears toward a goal, it’s probably because she doesn’t really want it. In that instance the Universe will grant her wish by keeping the goal from her.
If in your bones you REALLY want a goal but it remains out of your reach, it’s time for you to do some serious thinking. Where are you stuck? Are you a procrastinator who does a lot of planning but never get around to taking the action steps. Are you kind of "hit and miss" with you goals—rarely taking consistent actions. Are you guilty of self-sabotage—not truly believing that you’re capable of achieving your goal. Whatever’s holding you back from achieving your goals realize that YOU have the ability to re-train your mind.
•You can stop "paralysis of analysis" by mapping out your goal and taking "baby steps."
•You can stop haphazard implementation by creating a lifestyle that supports daily action toward your goals
•You can free yourself from limiting beliefs that rob you of your confidence by learning to silence your internal critic.
It may sound cliche but the old Napoleon Hill quote, "If you can conceive it, you can achieve it" is still on the money. Honestly, these are three issues that nearly every successful person has to overcome. Maybe you just need help eliminating your mental obstacles
This week think about a goal that you just can’t seem attain. Think about why you’re interested in achieving the goal. It is to make yourself happy and fulfilled OR are you concerned with pleasing someone else? If you are committed to the goal then you must identify the action that you’ve been unwilling to take to make it happen. If you’re ambivalent about the goal, scrap that "should" and imagine a goal that you actually want to achieve. Once you make a firm decision, you will open yourself up to new possibilities that will help you to create a new and exciting life full of love, joy and prosperity.
Unfortunately too many working mothers make decisions about their lives based on "shoulds" rather than on their wants. This list of "shoulds" is often quite lengthy and is usually a collection of the opinions and thoughts of the woman’s family and friends. It includes a variety of categories such as "how she should dress," "how she should parent her children," "who she should be friends with," what kind of car she should drive" and "what kind of wife/partner she should be." If a woman just follows the list of "shoulds," she pleases her friends and family but she isn’t asking herself whether or not the items on that list correspond to her true beliefs and desires. What this means is that if the woman’s stated goal isn’t in alignment with the her values and principles, it’s unlikely that she will attain it. You may ask why?
If a person is really committed to a goal that is aligned with her core values, she’ll do WHATEVER it takes to achieve it. WHATEVER could mean getting a new job, going back to school, moving to a new city, hiring a coach, ending a relationship or cutting back on commitments. However if the woman is lukewarm about the goal, she’s only make half-hearted measures to achieve----despite lip service to the contrary. I’ve said over and over to clients that people do the hard, difficult work when some really matters to them, when they really want change. If a person isn’t willing to put in the time, sweat or tears toward a goal, it’s probably because she doesn’t really want it. In that instance the Universe will grant her wish by keeping the goal from her.
If in your bones you REALLY want a goal but it remains out of your reach, it’s time for you to do some serious thinking. Where are you stuck? Are you a procrastinator who does a lot of planning but never get around to taking the action steps. Are you kind of "hit and miss" with you goals—rarely taking consistent actions. Are you guilty of self-sabotage—not truly believing that you’re capable of achieving your goal. Whatever’s holding you back from achieving your goals realize that YOU have the ability to re-train your mind.
•You can stop "paralysis of analysis" by mapping out your goal and taking "baby steps."
•You can stop haphazard implementation by creating a lifestyle that supports daily action toward your goals
•You can free yourself from limiting beliefs that rob you of your confidence by learning to silence your internal critic.
It may sound cliche but the old Napoleon Hill quote, "If you can conceive it, you can achieve it" is still on the money. Honestly, these are three issues that nearly every successful person has to overcome. Maybe you just need help eliminating your mental obstacles
This week think about a goal that you just can’t seem attain. Think about why you’re interested in achieving the goal. It is to make yourself happy and fulfilled OR are you concerned with pleasing someone else? If you are committed to the goal then you must identify the action that you’ve been unwilling to take to make it happen. If you’re ambivalent about the goal, scrap that "should" and imagine a goal that you actually want to achieve. Once you make a firm decision, you will open yourself up to new possibilities that will help you to create a new and exciting life full of love, joy and prosperity.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Getting My Priorities Straight
Early this morning I heard birds outside my bedroom window. The sound made me conscious that I had been blessed with another day on this Earth. I began to think about how I was going to spend the day---rushing to finish my to-do list or in serious contemplation about the bigger picture as it pertains to my life?
Today I am asking myself the following questions:
1) How can I be of service?
2) What is my contribution?
3) What is my vision for my life?
4) What steps am I taking reach my short and long-term goals
5) What can I do today to live a bolder, more abundant and more fulfilling life?
Here's a quote by Margaret Young that resonates with my life assignment,
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."
Today I am asking myself the following questions:
1) How can I be of service?
2) What is my contribution?
3) What is my vision for my life?
4) What steps am I taking reach my short and long-term goals
5) What can I do today to live a bolder, more abundant and more fulfilling life?
Here's a quote by Margaret Young that resonates with my life assignment,
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."
Monday, March 2, 2009
Can Working Mothers Really Find Balance?
Balance...the equilibrium between work life and family life. It's the condition that many working mothers crave to attain. These women are seeking a way to address the myriad of needs that their varied identities: mother, wager earner, woman, daughter, community member, partner require.....and remain sane, calm and fulfilled in the process.
Writer Thembsia Mshaka in an open letter to First Lady Michelle Obama challenges the notion of balance asserting, "[w]hat women need is work-life function. ‘Balance’ connotes equal distribution. No one woman can be at the meeting that runs long, at the spring recital, and lounging before the fire in lingerie at one time. Inevitably, something gets sacrificed."
She continues by saying,"You are most fortunate to have a husband who is a present, loving, and participating father; and equally blessed to have your mother with you to share in the labor of love known as parenting. What about married women of soldiers on duty? What about single moms, women with absentee spouses who opt out of parenting, or women whose parents or extended family are in different locations, differently abled, or deceased? What about the women who can’t afford to hire a nanny or even a babysitter on a consistent basis?"
Whether a woman uses the term "balance" or "work-life function," I think that Thembsia and I agree that at core a working mother has to create a life that responds to her priorities as a woman, mother and working person. Her priorities are an expression of the working mother's personal values and principles.
In a nutshell, working mothers can't be everything to everybody in any given day, week, month or even year. In my Working Moms Balancing System (TM), I help working mothers to design lives that are based on what REALLY matters to them at this particular point in their lives. I encourage them to tap into or to create a support network as a way of gaining the assistance they need to implement their life design. I also encourage them to eliminate "should do" relationships and activities that neither bring them joy nor advance their value-based life priorities.
I personally like the word balance, but I'm very clear that it's meaning is flexible its true expression is different for each working mother.
To read Themsbia Mshaka's entire letter Women and Work in the Age of Obama
Writer Thembsia Mshaka in an open letter to First Lady Michelle Obama challenges the notion of balance asserting, "[w]hat women need is work-life function. ‘Balance’ connotes equal distribution. No one woman can be at the meeting that runs long, at the spring recital, and lounging before the fire in lingerie at one time. Inevitably, something gets sacrificed."
She continues by saying,"You are most fortunate to have a husband who is a present, loving, and participating father; and equally blessed to have your mother with you to share in the labor of love known as parenting. What about married women of soldiers on duty? What about single moms, women with absentee spouses who opt out of parenting, or women whose parents or extended family are in different locations, differently abled, or deceased? What about the women who can’t afford to hire a nanny or even a babysitter on a consistent basis?"
Whether a woman uses the term "balance" or "work-life function," I think that Thembsia and I agree that at core a working mother has to create a life that responds to her priorities as a woman, mother and working person. Her priorities are an expression of the working mother's personal values and principles.
In a nutshell, working mothers can't be everything to everybody in any given day, week, month or even year. In my Working Moms Balancing System (TM), I help working mothers to design lives that are based on what REALLY matters to them at this particular point in their lives. I encourage them to tap into or to create a support network as a way of gaining the assistance they need to implement their life design. I also encourage them to eliminate "should do" relationships and activities that neither bring them joy nor advance their value-based life priorities.
I personally like the word balance, but I'm very clear that it's meaning is flexible its true expression is different for each working mother.
To read Themsbia Mshaka's entire letter Women and Work in the Age of Obama
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Work-At Home Moms and Time Management
One of the perils of being a mother who works at home is the realization that the day is over and that you've done nothing. I don't mean nothing in the literal sense---you may have done the laundry, ran to the dry cleaner or even made some goulash for your child's International Day at school, but you haven't produced any actual work or done any tasks that will generate income. Those unproductive days can turn into weeks and then into months. From the stand point of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM) this type of passive procrastination affects a working mom's ability to live her best life and it negatively impacts her financial vision.
In some ways being on a 9-5 is easier. On a conventional job there is a routine or at least you're accountable to a boss or co-workers to get things done. The exact opposite is true when you are a solopreneur, you're not beholden to a set agenda nor are you accountable to peers or a boss---you're it. Working unsupervised puts more responsibility for results in the hands of the work at home mother. This is great if you are high organized and disciplined, it's a disaster if you are not.
By nature I am not the most disciplined person. I'm very good at organization when I have a set project and deadline, but I haven't always used my "down" time well. In the past I kind of floundered between projects and made some inconsistent attempts to drum up business. I did okay, but looking back I could have done better if I had had a work plan.
I enjoy the flexibility of working at home (a few weeks ago I had to pick my sick son up from school) but I came to realize that as a mother who works at home it was extremely important that I have a weekly work schedule. My schedule now includes days that I'm getting actual work done and at least one day where I'm working on tasks to create new business opportunities. I also learned to delegate and outsource more tasks so that my days are filled with goal-getting activities, not mindless errands.
As a work at home mother you have to find a scheduling method that works for you--meaning that it resonates with your temperament and your duties (professional and personal). I love Danielle LaPorte's blog, White Hot Truth and wanted to share her post, Entrepreneurial Time Management. It provides a good template for mothers who need to bring more structure to their work at home lives.
In some ways being on a 9-5 is easier. On a conventional job there is a routine or at least you're accountable to a boss or co-workers to get things done. The exact opposite is true when you are a solopreneur, you're not beholden to a set agenda nor are you accountable to peers or a boss---you're it. Working unsupervised puts more responsibility for results in the hands of the work at home mother. This is great if you are high organized and disciplined, it's a disaster if you are not.
By nature I am not the most disciplined person. I'm very good at organization when I have a set project and deadline, but I haven't always used my "down" time well. In the past I kind of floundered between projects and made some inconsistent attempts to drum up business. I did okay, but looking back I could have done better if I had had a work plan.
I enjoy the flexibility of working at home (a few weeks ago I had to pick my sick son up from school) but I came to realize that as a mother who works at home it was extremely important that I have a weekly work schedule. My schedule now includes days that I'm getting actual work done and at least one day where I'm working on tasks to create new business opportunities. I also learned to delegate and outsource more tasks so that my days are filled with goal-getting activities, not mindless errands.
As a work at home mother you have to find a scheduling method that works for you--meaning that it resonates with your temperament and your duties (professional and personal). I love Danielle LaPorte's blog, White Hot Truth and wanted to share her post, Entrepreneurial Time Management. It provides a good template for mothers who need to bring more structure to their work at home lives.
Friday, February 20, 2009
How To Make Decisions That Lead to a Better Life
Your decisions create your life. Empowerment happens when you become aware of the importance of your day-to-day choices. This is not to say that external factors don’t matter or that the actions of other people are irrelevant. However in the end, you have to decide what you are going to do in each circumstance you find yourself in—your job, your relationships, your community. Those decisions and their outcomes are the basis of your current life. If we don’t like where we are in our lives, or want more or better we have to DECIDE to take a different path. Some people are scared of the idea that they alone are responsible for how their life is unfolding. Other people however feel liberated to realize that they can really improve their lives by making new decisions.
A lot of times we are afraid to make REAL decisions. We hem and haw or try to hedge our bets. We’re not 100% sure what the "right" choice is. There may be an opportunity waiting for us but we don’t act because we can’t immediately see it. In the midst of all our waffling we stay stuck in a situation that we have either outgrown or that is emotionally, physically or financially unhealthy for us. Motivational speaker Les Brown says, "Either you run your life or life will run over you." He’s not saying that life is hard but that you must decide the path of your life or deal with the consequences of "not deciding." By not deciding how you want to create your life you’re leaving it to other people and to outside forces to determine your future.
Let’s look at two co-workers in the same department of a company that has been going through financial difficulties for nearly a year. Jill decides she needs to get a new job at a more financially stable company. In the coming months she updates her skills and her resume and eventually lands a new position. Her co-worker, Jack constants debates leaving but is really unsure of his marketability. He justifies his inaction by saying that he doesn’t want to appear disloyal to his employer. Three months after Jill left the company files for bankruptcy and closes its doors. Jack’s very angry that now he has no job, no health insurance and no savings. In the same circumstance, Jill made a decision about her life and reaped the benefits of her choice. Jack however failed to make a decision about his future and suffered the consequences of his choice.
The Latin origin of decide means "to cut off, to kill off." In short, making a decision is about cutting off other options...doing whatever it takes to achieve your goal. This means that REAL decisions are firm. If you have a plan a, b, c and a host of contingencies, you have not made a decision Real decisions are also made quickly...but NOT rashly. You carefully weigh the pros and cons and then you decide what you are going to do. You can make quick decisions when you crystal clear about what you want. In order to do that you have to align your values with your goals.
This key question to ask yourself is: What is in MY highest good? (not for my spouse, my children or friends) This may sound obvious, but when you’re struggling to make decisions, it may not BE obvious. To reconcile your values with your goals, you must define success for yourself. For you is success: making money?; having more free time to spend with your family?; having a more fulfilling life?; unleashing your passion, or something else? Once you identify what you TRULY care about you can more easily decide which activities/actions will get you closer to your goal and which will not.
This week think about a situation that is requiring you to make a decision NOW. Think about why you are avoiding making a decision. Consider what your life will look like in 6 months, a year or five year don’t decide to change course—if you continue to do nothing. Once you make a firm decision, you will open yourself up to new possibilities that will help you to create a new and exciting life move full of love, joy and prosperity.
A lot of times we are afraid to make REAL decisions. We hem and haw or try to hedge our bets. We’re not 100% sure what the "right" choice is. There may be an opportunity waiting for us but we don’t act because we can’t immediately see it. In the midst of all our waffling we stay stuck in a situation that we have either outgrown or that is emotionally, physically or financially unhealthy for us. Motivational speaker Les Brown says, "Either you run your life or life will run over you." He’s not saying that life is hard but that you must decide the path of your life or deal with the consequences of "not deciding." By not deciding how you want to create your life you’re leaving it to other people and to outside forces to determine your future.
Let’s look at two co-workers in the same department of a company that has been going through financial difficulties for nearly a year. Jill decides she needs to get a new job at a more financially stable company. In the coming months she updates her skills and her resume and eventually lands a new position. Her co-worker, Jack constants debates leaving but is really unsure of his marketability. He justifies his inaction by saying that he doesn’t want to appear disloyal to his employer. Three months after Jill left the company files for bankruptcy and closes its doors. Jack’s very angry that now he has no job, no health insurance and no savings. In the same circumstance, Jill made a decision about her life and reaped the benefits of her choice. Jack however failed to make a decision about his future and suffered the consequences of his choice.
The Latin origin of decide means "to cut off, to kill off." In short, making a decision is about cutting off other options...doing whatever it takes to achieve your goal. This means that REAL decisions are firm. If you have a plan a, b, c and a host of contingencies, you have not made a decision Real decisions are also made quickly...but NOT rashly. You carefully weigh the pros and cons and then you decide what you are going to do. You can make quick decisions when you crystal clear about what you want. In order to do that you have to align your values with your goals.
This key question to ask yourself is: What is in MY highest good? (not for my spouse, my children or friends) This may sound obvious, but when you’re struggling to make decisions, it may not BE obvious. To reconcile your values with your goals, you must define success for yourself. For you is success: making money?; having more free time to spend with your family?; having a more fulfilling life?; unleashing your passion, or something else? Once you identify what you TRULY care about you can more easily decide which activities/actions will get you closer to your goal and which will not.
This week think about a situation that is requiring you to make a decision NOW. Think about why you are avoiding making a decision. Consider what your life will look like in 6 months, a year or five year don’t decide to change course—if you continue to do nothing. Once you make a firm decision, you will open yourself up to new possibilities that will help you to create a new and exciting life move full of love, joy and prosperity.
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