This morning at breakfast my five year old son said, "You are the best of mommies." As I tried to hold back my tears, I replied, "I try, I try very hard." I do my best for my son everyday, not because I am seeking his praise, but because I have the intention of being the very best mother that I can be to him. In life that's all you can do---try your best.
Some days you'll triumph and on other days you'll flounder or straight-up fail. The key to remember is that the people closest to you, the ones who matter most, are not seeking perfection from you. They merely want to feel that you care enough about them, their feelings and their wishes to do your best by them on a regular basis.
Some of us take on a bunch a projects or try to cater to a zillion friends and acquaintances, knowing full well that we aren't interested in or really capable of doing our best by them. It's no wonder that neither you nor the people you are claiming to serve feel satisfied with your efforts. Half-stepping really isn't worth it. Do something because you love it and want to give it your all....or just don't bother.
It's forseeable that later on this afternoon, my son will "quit me" because I'll decline his request for another snack or because I'll tell him that TV time is over. Again, I'm making my decisions, not to be a scold, but because I love him.
I usually explain the reasons for my actions to him and I do my best to give him more yes'es than no's. So even when he's perturbed that he didn't get his way, he knows that mommy is doing her best for him...and that's what matters.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
You Have a Right to Change and Grow
There are some people in your life who want you to stand still. They are uncomfortable with the idea of you changing or doing new things. These people understand that as you evolve they will either have to step up their own games or be left behind. We all have the right to grow and to experience new realities for ourselves. Beware of the person who wants you to be exactly the same person that you were when they met you. While your core values and beliefs needn't change, it's no badge of honor not to grow as a person...living the exact same life as you have for years on end.
Back in the day I rocked to the rap group Heavy D and the Boyz. Heavy D,the "Overweight Love" was known for a string of successful songs including, "Now That We Found Love," "Nuthin' But Love" and "Overweight Lover's in the House". Today the Jamaican born, Dwight Meyers is tearing up the reggae music scene with his album Vibes (Stride Entertainment, 2008). Today on The Tom Joyner Radio Show, Meyers said that when his child was born he wanted to be an engaged father and consequently he put his career on hold. When Meyers went back into the studio he said that he couldn't produce another Heavy D album, instead he went with his passions and created Vibes. As an established rap artist, he took a gigantic risk to produce an album that was entirely reggae. (His "Livin' Single" partner, rap artist Queen Latifah made a similar move with her R&B album, The Dana Owen Album [Interscope, 2004]) But Heavy D's life had changed, his priorities had changed and for him his music also needed to change.
Many of us get locked into a job title or an identity in our 20s and ten or even twenty years later we are petrified to release it so that we can transition to the next phase of our lives. We'll hold on to the familiar version of ourselves even when it no longer serves us. Your life should be guided by your interests and by your needs, as they stand today. Every time we do something new there is are inherent risks that it may fail and that people may not like it. However when you fail to take risks you are relegating yourself to stagnation. You are consigning yourself to a life that is not filled with joy or excitement, just predictable routines.
Heavy D took a leap of faith and in 2009 he was rewarded with a Grammy nomination for "Best Reggae Album." Maybe no one is going to give you an award for following your passions and evolving your life, but living a vibrant, fulfilling life is reward in itself.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Back in the day I rocked to the rap group Heavy D and the Boyz. Heavy D,the "Overweight Love" was known for a string of successful songs including, "Now That We Found Love," "Nuthin' But Love" and "Overweight Lover's in the House". Today the Jamaican born, Dwight Meyers is tearing up the reggae music scene with his album Vibes (Stride Entertainment, 2008). Today on The Tom Joyner Radio Show, Meyers said that when his child was born he wanted to be an engaged father and consequently he put his career on hold. When Meyers went back into the studio he said that he couldn't produce another Heavy D album, instead he went with his passions and created Vibes. As an established rap artist, he took a gigantic risk to produce an album that was entirely reggae. (His "Livin' Single" partner, rap artist Queen Latifah made a similar move with her R&B album, The Dana Owen Album [Interscope, 2004]) But Heavy D's life had changed, his priorities had changed and for him his music also needed to change.
Many of us get locked into a job title or an identity in our 20s and ten or even twenty years later we are petrified to release it so that we can transition to the next phase of our lives. We'll hold on to the familiar version of ourselves even when it no longer serves us. Your life should be guided by your interests and by your needs, as they stand today. Every time we do something new there is are inherent risks that it may fail and that people may not like it. However when you fail to take risks you are relegating yourself to stagnation. You are consigning yourself to a life that is not filled with joy or excitement, just predictable routines.
Heavy D took a leap of faith and in 2009 he was rewarded with a Grammy nomination for "Best Reggae Album." Maybe no one is going to give you an award for following your passions and evolving your life, but living a vibrant, fulfilling life is reward in itself.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here's what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life--one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Five
"Get in the Game"
There are two games in life: Playing to Win and Playing NOT to lose. Most people are playing the latter. Playing NOT to lose is about avoidance. We're so afraid of taking risks, failing and looking foolish that we never position ourselves to win. You simply can't succeed if your chief intention is to play it safe.
Here are some suggestions for getting in the game:
1) Jump In. Set an intention and become ruthless about reaching your goal. If you want to make $50K next year, don't accept an offer for a job paying $35K. Be willing to stick to your guns and keep looking---OR if you're considering the $35K job be willing to make up the difference with a part-time job, or make sure the position pays a commission.
2) Be Persistent. Whatever it takes, on a daily basis move your money agenda forward. This includes making sales calls, networking, speaking, blogging, getting involved with company or community groups. All of your efforts should be tied to a profit mentality---gaining skills or contacts that can make you more money. Most important, don't make excuses why you can't regularly take steps toward your money goal.
3) Create Opportunities for Yourself. Follow through on chance occurrences. How often have you met a potential contact, had a fruitful conversation, asked for his/her business card and then failed to call the person? Similarly how many times have you sat in a business meeting and realized that there was a need or an untapped market that wasn't being addressed by the group....but you remained silent? In each instance, through follow-up there was a chance to advance your own money interests. A new higher paying job opportunity may have been created by cultivating a new acquaintance or by crafting a new project or job for yourself in your current company.
4) Ignore the naysayers. There is always someone in your life, a friend, a spouse, a co-worker or a boss who will tell you that you can't accomplish what it is you want to do. They'll lay out your lack of qualifications, your temperment, your family situation or the fact that it's never been done the way you intend as reasons why you should stop trying. Most naysayers mean well, but they only know what they know...they don't have the definitive truth about you, your goals or the various pathways to your goal. The only thing that can prevent you from achieving your goals is you. Every day people beat the odds and defy conventional wisdom. Be willing to thank the naysayers for their counsel and concern, but keep moving in the direction of dreams.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
How are you keeping yourself out of the game?
Review the four points and determine how your current actions are keeping you stuck in a low paying position.
--are you making excuses, such as the economy is bad for why you are not pursuing a higher paying position?
--are you only taking sporadic actions toward your money goal?
--are you failing to recognize opportunities for career advancement?
--are you letting naysayers dissuade you about your goals?
What can you do instead in these areas to get closer to your money goals?
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
There are two games in life: Playing to Win and Playing NOT to lose. Most people are playing the latter. Playing NOT to lose is about avoidance. We're so afraid of taking risks, failing and looking foolish that we never position ourselves to win. You simply can't succeed if your chief intention is to play it safe.
Here are some suggestions for getting in the game:
1) Jump In. Set an intention and become ruthless about reaching your goal. If you want to make $50K next year, don't accept an offer for a job paying $35K. Be willing to stick to your guns and keep looking---OR if you're considering the $35K job be willing to make up the difference with a part-time job, or make sure the position pays a commission.
2) Be Persistent. Whatever it takes, on a daily basis move your money agenda forward. This includes making sales calls, networking, speaking, blogging, getting involved with company or community groups. All of your efforts should be tied to a profit mentality---gaining skills or contacts that can make you more money. Most important, don't make excuses why you can't regularly take steps toward your money goal.
3) Create Opportunities for Yourself. Follow through on chance occurrences. How often have you met a potential contact, had a fruitful conversation, asked for his/her business card and then failed to call the person? Similarly how many times have you sat in a business meeting and realized that there was a need or an untapped market that wasn't being addressed by the group....but you remained silent? In each instance, through follow-up there was a chance to advance your own money interests. A new higher paying job opportunity may have been created by cultivating a new acquaintance or by crafting a new project or job for yourself in your current company.
4) Ignore the naysayers. There is always someone in your life, a friend, a spouse, a co-worker or a boss who will tell you that you can't accomplish what it is you want to do. They'll lay out your lack of qualifications, your temperment, your family situation or the fact that it's never been done the way you intend as reasons why you should stop trying. Most naysayers mean well, but they only know what they know...they don't have the definitive truth about you, your goals or the various pathways to your goal. The only thing that can prevent you from achieving your goals is you. Every day people beat the odds and defy conventional wisdom. Be willing to thank the naysayers for their counsel and concern, but keep moving in the direction of dreams.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
How are you keeping yourself out of the game?
Review the four points and determine how your current actions are keeping you stuck in a low paying position.
--are you making excuses, such as the economy is bad for why you are not pursuing a higher paying position?
--are you only taking sporadic actions toward your money goal?
--are you failing to recognize opportunities for career advancement?
--are you letting naysayers dissuade you about your goals?
What can you do instead in these areas to get closer to your money goals?
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Four
In Day Three of the series I talked to you about intention. While intention is a magnet that attracts what you want, "letting go" provides the space for your desire to manifest.
There's a saying that two things can't occupy the same space. Essentially this means that to get where you want to go, you have to let of where you are. The letting go could be literal or figurative in the form of: limiting beliefs, a bad relationship, bad habits, a low paying job, possessions, inappropriate goals, etc.
Clinging to the security of the familiar stops you for discovering what opportunities are in your future. Holding on the the "safety" of a job, a relationship or detrimental thinking gets you more of the same: debt, burnout, boredom and personal frustration. True growth comes when you can take a leap of faith---off of the ledge of illusory safety. Once you let go you can take concrete steps toward having a financial richer and more personally fulfilling life.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
What are you doing in your life that you already KNOW is bad for you. Are you holding on to a job that makes you miserable? Are you holding on to a relationship that depletes your energy? Are you holding on to negative beliefs about yourself that you hindering your progress?
First ask yourself why are you holding on.
Then ask yourself what would you do if the situation disappeared tomorrow. For example you were laid off or your partner/friend ended your relationship.
Finally ask yourself, what the steps can you can take today to end the situation and move into a more fulfilling and rewarding situation.
Change doesn't always happen swiftly, but it's a certainty that you can't go from broke and miserable to financially secure and happy without letting go of some of your detrimental thinking and actions.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
There's a saying that two things can't occupy the same space. Essentially this means that to get where you want to go, you have to let of where you are. The letting go could be literal or figurative in the form of: limiting beliefs, a bad relationship, bad habits, a low paying job, possessions, inappropriate goals, etc.
Clinging to the security of the familiar stops you for discovering what opportunities are in your future. Holding on the the "safety" of a job, a relationship or detrimental thinking gets you more of the same: debt, burnout, boredom and personal frustration. True growth comes when you can take a leap of faith---off of the ledge of illusory safety. Once you let go you can take concrete steps toward having a financial richer and more personally fulfilling life.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
What are you doing in your life that you already KNOW is bad for you. Are you holding on to a job that makes you miserable? Are you holding on to a relationship that depletes your energy? Are you holding on to negative beliefs about yourself that you hindering your progress?
First ask yourself why are you holding on.
Then ask yourself what would you do if the situation disappeared tomorrow. For example you were laid off or your partner/friend ended your relationship.
Finally ask yourself, what the steps can you can take today to end the situation and move into a more fulfilling and rewarding situation.
Change doesn't always happen swiftly, but it's a certainty that you can't go from broke and miserable to financially secure and happy without letting go of some of your detrimental thinking and actions.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Sunday, June 28, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Three
Practically every high income woman comes to point in her life when she makes the "money decision." It's when she says to herself, "it's time to make for me to make some money." While some women come to this decision early in their careers, for others the change comes later in life. The late bloomers are often prompted by a divorce, a lay-off or an illness that results in mounting debt or a diminished lifestyle.
Initially it's not necessary that you have a full blown plan of action. However the intention to make more money, becomes the basis for making new and different choices about your income and finances. Cultivating a "profit mentality" (see Day Two) calls for you to value the worth of your services appropriately. Having a profit mentality also means that you eliminate both the time wasting activities and the excuses that are keeping you from achieving your goal.
If you want to know your strongest intention regarding money---simply look at your current life. If you say that you want to make more money but you're in debt, in a low-paying job, you can't find the time to do what it takes to make more money or money simply eludes you---either you have not set an intention to make money or you have actually decided not be be financially successful. Remember no decision is still a decision.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Sit down with a piece of paper and write down that today you are intending to generate make more money.
1. Include a set dollar amount that you intend to make in the next 12 months.
2. Connect the money you intend to make to a concrete goal. For instance, I will use this extra $10,000 to pay down credit card bills, make a downpayment on a house; invest in my retirement fund or take a vacation.
3. Brainstorm about what steps you can take immediately to generate more income. (Be aware of internal resistence that you will feel---push past it)
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Initially it's not necessary that you have a full blown plan of action. However the intention to make more money, becomes the basis for making new and different choices about your income and finances. Cultivating a "profit mentality" (see Day Two) calls for you to value the worth of your services appropriately. Having a profit mentality also means that you eliminate both the time wasting activities and the excuses that are keeping you from achieving your goal.
If you want to know your strongest intention regarding money---simply look at your current life. If you say that you want to make more money but you're in debt, in a low-paying job, you can't find the time to do what it takes to make more money or money simply eludes you---either you have not set an intention to make money or you have actually decided not be be financially successful. Remember no decision is still a decision.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Sit down with a piece of paper and write down that today you are intending to generate make more money.
1. Include a set dollar amount that you intend to make in the next 12 months.
2. Connect the money you intend to make to a concrete goal. For instance, I will use this extra $10,000 to pay down credit card bills, make a downpayment on a house; invest in my retirement fund or take a vacation.
3. Brainstorm about what steps you can take immediately to generate more income. (Be aware of internal resistence that you will feel---push past it)
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day Two
Yesterday I gave you some tips about finding out what would motivate you to make more money. Money as we discussed is merely a result--the endpoint. There has to be come strong emotional pull or goal that is going to make you undertake the work needed to change your mind-set and actions toward money.
The next step is to look at the shared characteristics of a power earners. It's important to look at the similarities between successful people as a way to change your own attitudes and behaviors.
Here are the four key traits of high-income women:
1. Profit-Mentality: They expect to be well compensated for their time, talent and/or expertise. They want to make money because they enjoy what money gives them.
2. Daring: They have a willingness to stretch beyond their comfort zones and try something that she's not altogether sure she can accomplish.
3. Resilience: They have ability to get up and brush herself off when she's faced with an obstacle or a flat-out failure.
4. Supportive network: They have nurturing friendships and personal relationships. There are people in their lives who cheer them on and encourage them to keep moving toward their goals.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Compare the 4 traits of high-income women to yourself. This exercise is not designed to make you feel bad. The purpose is to have you clearly assess how your beliefs,a ctions and relationships are impacting your ability to take that steps that would earn you more money. Afterwards look at each quality of power-earners and in each area decide on one step that you could take immediately to make a change. For instance you may decide to raise your rates or cut-back on "volunteering" your services unless you are REALLY passionate about the project.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
The next step is to look at the shared characteristics of a power earners. It's important to look at the similarities between successful people as a way to change your own attitudes and behaviors.
Here are the four key traits of high-income women:
1. Profit-Mentality: They expect to be well compensated for their time, talent and/or expertise. They want to make money because they enjoy what money gives them.
2. Daring: They have a willingness to stretch beyond their comfort zones and try something that she's not altogether sure she can accomplish.
3. Resilience: They have ability to get up and brush herself off when she's faced with an obstacle or a flat-out failure.
4. Supportive network: They have nurturing friendships and personal relationships. There are people in their lives who cheer them on and encourage them to keep moving toward their goals.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
Compare the 4 traits of high-income women to yourself. This exercise is not designed to make you feel bad. The purpose is to have you clearly assess how your beliefs,a ctions and relationships are impacting your ability to take that steps that would earn you more money. Afterwards look at each quality of power-earners and in each area decide on one step that you could take immediately to make a change. For instance you may decide to raise your rates or cut-back on "volunteering" your services unless you are REALLY passionate about the project.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
Monday, June 15, 2009
"7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama": Day One
One of the chief complaints I hear from women, particularly working mothers is that "I need to make more money." That "money" maybe for essentials like rent or food, or to leave a bad marriage or to provide their families with some well deserved extras. Women are notorious underearners. I describe an underearner as someone who consistently makes less income than she needs or that would be beneficial for her life and family, usually for no clear reason and despite her stated desire to do otherwise.
So today, on our first day of "7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama" I am going to ask to you focus on your values rather than on making money.
Most high-income women say that money does not motivate them. They state their success and the money that followed are related to what money meant to them. Some of the values that high earning women associated with money are:
financial independence/freedom: the ability to take care of themselves and their children.
autonomy: the means to create the work environment and lifestyle that they desire.
service to others: the capacity to support and promote causes, ideas and people that are important to them.
fame being recognized locally, nationally or internationally as one of the best in a given field.
choices: being able to explore what the world has to offer.
To begin your journey to becoming a power earner, remember:
Money in nothing more than a tool for exchange---in and of itself it has no meaning.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
For the moment, let's not talk about money. Instead list 5 of your key values---things have actually motivated to you action in the past-- things that speak to who you are as a person. From that list decide which one is the strongest motivator---meaning that the idea of achieving or experiencing it could spur you to make different choices about your work and life.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
So today, on our first day of "7 Days of Power Earning with Sophisticated Woman and Mama" I am going to ask to you focus on your values rather than on making money.
Most high-income women say that money does not motivate them. They state their success and the money that followed are related to what money meant to them. Some of the values that high earning women associated with money are:
financial independence/freedom: the ability to take care of themselves and their children.
autonomy: the means to create the work environment and lifestyle that they desire.
service to others: the capacity to support and promote causes, ideas and people that are important to them.
fame being recognized locally, nationally or internationally as one of the best in a given field.
choices: being able to explore what the world has to offer.
To begin your journey to becoming a power earner, remember:
Money in nothing more than a tool for exchange---in and of itself it has no meaning.
YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT:
For the moment, let's not talk about money. Instead list 5 of your key values---things have actually motivated to you action in the past-- things that speak to who you are as a person. From that list decide which one is the strongest motivator---meaning that the idea of achieving or experiencing it could spur you to make different choices about your work and life.
If you're Feeling Stuck And Need Help--Why Not Schedule a Working Moms Starter Session. Click Here for Details
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