Romance and Emotional Abundance

Romantic relationships...they are part of the sweetness that makes our life wonderful. In many instances our lives have been enhanced by the people whom we've chosen to share our lives and selves with. For most of us, however there are also a few relationships that torn at our self-esteem and our sanity.

It seems trite, but the difference between a relationship that is life affirming and one that is life sapping is us. When we are focused on ourselves, loving ourselves and focused on improving the quality of our lives, we attract people who can assist us on that journey. These are the people who provide us needed support, information and insight. However, when are desperately looking for someone else to love us or rescue us for our financial responsibilities, we are going to attract partners who simply highlight our neediness and our perceived unworthiness.

Every relationship is a mirror into ourselves. This means that if we don't like our partner, we should be looking at ourselves and not them to find the REAL source of the problem.

Another person cannot "complete" us. For us to be able to enter into healthy, loving and productive relationships we have to bring an already complete person to the party. The alternative is that you---a 1/2 of a person is constantly expecting and looking for someone else to compensate for the shortfalls in your life. Essentially, you are giving the power of your life and its direction over to someone else.

Turning the table on yourself allows you to "fix" yourself and get clear about what you want from a partner that aligns with your values--- rather than continuing to choose partners whom you hope will make all of your problems disappear.

Exercise:
What do you dislike about your current (or former partner)....write them down. Now look at that list and decide if you share any of the disliked qualities. Maybe you aren't as truthful or reliable as you a would like to think. Perhaps you've signaled an ambivalence about commitment.