Can Working Mothers Really Find Balance?

Balance...the equilibrium between work life and family life. It's the condition that many working mothers crave to attain. These women are seeking a way to address the myriad of needs that their varied identities: mother, wager earner, woman, daughter, community member, partner require.....and remain sane, calm and fulfilled in the process.

Writer Thembsia Mshaka in an open letter to First Lady Michelle Obama challenges the notion of balance asserting, "[w]hat women need is work-life function. ‘Balance’ connotes equal distribution. No one woman can be at the meeting that runs long, at the spring recital, and lounging before the fire in lingerie at one time. Inevitably, something gets sacrificed."

She continues by saying,"You are most fortunate to have a husband who is a present, loving, and participating father; and equally blessed to have your mother with you to share in the labor of love known as parenting. What about married women of soldiers on duty? What about single moms, women with absentee spouses who opt out of parenting, or women whose parents or extended family are in different locations, differently abled, or deceased? What about the women who can’t afford to hire a nanny or even a babysitter on a consistent basis?"

Whether a woman uses the term "balance" or "work-life function," I think that Thembsia and I agree that at core a working mother has to create a life that responds to her priorities as a woman, mother and working person. Her priorities are an expression of the working mother's personal values and principles.

In a nutshell, working mothers can't be everything to everybody in any given day, week, month or even year. In my Working Moms Balancing System (TM), I help working mothers to design lives that are based on what REALLY matters to them at this particular point in their lives. I encourage them to tap into or to create a support network as a way of gaining the assistance they need to implement their life design. I also encourage them to eliminate "should do" relationships and activities that neither bring them joy nor advance their value-based life priorities.

I personally like the word balance, but I'm very clear that it's meaning is flexible its true expression is different for each working mother.

To read Themsbia Mshaka's entire letter Women and Work in the Age of Obama