I am going vacation with my family to Sag Harbor, New York. My family rented a house with a dear friend and her family. There's no agenda for the week aside from decompressing and spending some quality time together. This is my son's first time at the beach...so aided by his father he can try out some of the things that he learned in swim class. As for me, I've got some books, some magazines and some lounging time calling my name.
I am a firm believer in vacations and the power of doing nothing. For me it's not about laziness, but I need time to re-charge my mind and my body. Moreover, like most people people I am more relaxed when I am on vacation. This altered state of mind, coupled with a different locale very often unblocks my creative juices. I got the idea for the motherhood anthology, Who's Your Mama: The Unsung Voices of Women and Mothers (Softskull Press/Counterpoint, 2009) while I was on vacation in San Miguel, Mexico.
Many of us are running ourselves ragged because we are scared. We are attempting to be prove our worth---to be indispensible because we are afraid simply being ourselves isn't going to cut it. We may be afraid that we'll loss our jobs if we take some time off, or we may be afraid that someone will not like us if we say no to a burdensome favor. But how do we change our actions if we choose not to sacrifice our mental and physical well-being to our fears?
What is the pay-off if you work 100 hours a week and still lose your job or you run every community event and you still are never invited to be part of the "in crowd?" How does your life change when you say that you are good enough and then move toward finding your bliss rather than running away from pain? You may still work 100 hours a week, but you'd love every minute of it-- Or you may decide that a job that requires that type of commitment is not aligned with your life's desires.
So this week, think about how you re-connect with your spirit. Are running at a breakneck pace because you are afraid to stop, or because you are having too much fun sampling all of the world's treasures?
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Letting Go
One of my favorite blogs is Carrie and Danielle. They are Canadian style mavens who each day provide a thought-provoking quote or question.
Today they asked, "What do you need to let go?" They started the dialogue with the following statement:
Letting go is an art form that can make the difference between ugliness or beauty, turmoil or grace. Whether it’s stuff in your home, thoughts in your head, or connections to people and places, with practice, you can live in a way in which letting go is second nature - and presence takes first place. The beauty with learning to let go is that releasing the little things (small grievances, bits of clutter) can make for big changes.
Essentially if you are moving forward in our lives, you are in some regular process of letting go. You may need to let go of a relationship that is not nurturing your true self. You may need to let go of a job that is not supporting your talents and interests. You may need to let go of ideas about yourself and who you should be to experience peace, happiness and abundance. You may need to let go of material items that no longer serve you and that are blocking your ability to receive new things.
Letting go is difficult because we rarely know when or if a replacement is coming. The choice is to hold onto the old, familiar out of fear and stagnant in your current existence or to trust that by releasing what no longer feeds your soul you are inviting that which will make your life more enjoyable.
Exercise:
Think about what you need to let go of in your life...and do it!
Today they asked, "What do you need to let go?" They started the dialogue with the following statement:
Letting go is an art form that can make the difference between ugliness or beauty, turmoil or grace. Whether it’s stuff in your home, thoughts in your head, or connections to people and places, with practice, you can live in a way in which letting go is second nature - and presence takes first place. The beauty with learning to let go is that releasing the little things (small grievances, bits of clutter) can make for big changes.
Essentially if you are moving forward in our lives, you are in some regular process of letting go. You may need to let go of a relationship that is not nurturing your true self. You may need to let go of a job that is not supporting your talents and interests. You may need to let go of ideas about yourself and who you should be to experience peace, happiness and abundance. You may need to let go of material items that no longer serve you and that are blocking your ability to receive new things.
Letting go is difficult because we rarely know when or if a replacement is coming. The choice is to hold onto the old, familiar out of fear and stagnant in your current existence or to trust that by releasing what no longer feeds your soul you are inviting that which will make your life more enjoyable.
Exercise:
Think about what you need to let go of in your life...and do it!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Mid-Day Energy Boost---Meditation
It's around three o'clock and your to-do list for the day is still a foot long. Your first thought is to get another cup of coffee or maybe something sugary to keep you going. Your stamina and your waist line would however benefit from some mid-day meditation. This not about chanting, but merely taking a few moments to clear your mind. Meditiation is usually thought of as a relaxation activity, but it can also give you a well needed boost of energy and can help to reinvigorate your brain. A few minutes of meditation can keep you going the rest of the day.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Clear a Space. Try to get rid of all of the clutter that is on your desk or in your immediate proxity. This helps to bring order and calm to your environment.
2. Turn off the electronics: Log off of your computer and turn your PDA as well as the ringer off on your telephone. This action limits detractions.
3. Close your eyes and breathe. Sitting straight in a chair, take long, deep inhalations followed by even longer exhalations. Continue throughout the exercie.
4. Check your body. Are you tense anywhere? Concentrate on relaxing that area.
5. Do this for 5-10 minutes. How are you feeling? If you are still feeling sluggish or unfocused continue the meditation for a minute or two more.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Clear a Space. Try to get rid of all of the clutter that is on your desk or in your immediate proxity. This helps to bring order and calm to your environment.
2. Turn off the electronics: Log off of your computer and turn your PDA as well as the ringer off on your telephone. This action limits detractions.
3. Close your eyes and breathe. Sitting straight in a chair, take long, deep inhalations followed by even longer exhalations. Continue throughout the exercie.
4. Check your body. Are you tense anywhere? Concentrate on relaxing that area.
5. Do this for 5-10 minutes. How are you feeling? If you are still feeling sluggish or unfocused continue the meditation for a minute or two more.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Stop Being Your Worse Enemy
I found a wonderful article about self-sabotage. Very often we say that we WANT to improve our lives, or live in a particular manner, but will act in a manner totally contrary to our stated intentions.
To get some more perspective is an excerpt from Debby Ford's articles, Why Good People Do Bad Things:
Our headlines are filled with stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news, on the front page of newspapers, and splashed across the weekly tabloids: the TV evangelist who gets arrested for soliciting prostitutes; the schoolteacher who carries on an affair with one of her students; or the baseball star who gambles on his own games. These public downfalls have become our national obsession, but much more common acts of self-destruction and sabotage are taking place right now in our own backyards. The successful doctor who gambles his kids' college tuition away; the public official who takes a bribe; the PTA mom who is carrying on an affair with her best friend's husband; the husband whose neglect and procrastination ends up costing him his marriage…. These are people whom most of us would consider to be "good people," not common criminals, psychopaths, or sociopaths whose histories might predict their unscrupulous behavior. These are people like you and me, people who started out with high hopes and big dreams for their futures. But despite their good intentions, these so-called good people did some very bad things, most often without even understanding why.
Despite how they may appear, incidents like these are not a coincidence and they don't come from "out of the blue." Acts of self-sabotage are predictable. They arise from the repression of what I call our "dark side," the parts of ourselves and our lives that we find too inconvenient to admit; too embarrassing to accept. Regardless of how intently we try to hide, deny, or suppress them, every aspect of ourselves that we've deemed unacceptable or wrong will eventually make itself known - sometimes when we least expect it. When we are busy building a business, creating a family, or working hard to achieve some long-desired goal, these rejected or unwanted aspects of ourselves can pop up and destroy our lives, our reputations, and all of our hard work. This is what I call the Beach Ball Effect.
To Read more
Also be sure to download Debby's FREE Self-Assessment. The link is at the end of the article.
To get some more perspective is an excerpt from Debby Ford's articles, Why Good People Do Bad Things:
Our headlines are filled with stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news, on the front page of newspapers, and splashed across the weekly tabloids: the TV evangelist who gets arrested for soliciting prostitutes; the schoolteacher who carries on an affair with one of her students; or the baseball star who gambles on his own games. These public downfalls have become our national obsession, but much more common acts of self-destruction and sabotage are taking place right now in our own backyards. The successful doctor who gambles his kids' college tuition away; the public official who takes a bribe; the PTA mom who is carrying on an affair with her best friend's husband; the husband whose neglect and procrastination ends up costing him his marriage…. These are people whom most of us would consider to be "good people," not common criminals, psychopaths, or sociopaths whose histories might predict their unscrupulous behavior. These are people like you and me, people who started out with high hopes and big dreams for their futures. But despite their good intentions, these so-called good people did some very bad things, most often without even understanding why.
Despite how they may appear, incidents like these are not a coincidence and they don't come from "out of the blue." Acts of self-sabotage are predictable. They arise from the repression of what I call our "dark side," the parts of ourselves and our lives that we find too inconvenient to admit; too embarrassing to accept. Regardless of how intently we try to hide, deny, or suppress them, every aspect of ourselves that we've deemed unacceptable or wrong will eventually make itself known - sometimes when we least expect it. When we are busy building a business, creating a family, or working hard to achieve some long-desired goal, these rejected or unwanted aspects of ourselves can pop up and destroy our lives, our reputations, and all of our hard work. This is what I call the Beach Ball Effect.
To Read more
Also be sure to download Debby's FREE Self-Assessment. The link is at the end of the article.
Are You Stuck?
Frequently working mothers hit a point in their lives where they feel stuck. They are still clinging to the past, without a clear idea about how to move into the present. I'm having an "identity crisis" is a more sophisticated way of saying that I'm "stuck." However you decide to phrase it, being "stuck" is maintaining an idea of who you are, even though your present circumstances make that concept obsolete. Among the life changes that alter our lives are: marriage, motherhood, death, divorce and job loss. In order to become "un-stuck," and move on to the next phase of your life you first have to give yourself permission to explore new ideas about who you are.
Oprah. BFF, Maria Shiver has written a little book that may be help working moms to become un-stuck. The book, Just Who Will You Be? challenges reader to ask themselves "What do I believe" and "Who do I want to be" rather than "What do I want to be." The major distinction is that "Who do I want to be" speaks to your essence as a human being, whereas "What do I want to be," is nothing more than another title---like a job description.
One of the wisest passages is as follows:
"You can spend the rest of your life trying to measure up, trying to figure out and fulfill other people's expectations of you--or right now, you can make a decision to let it all go. And you can start by talking about what you know, what you feel and what you think. You can start by talking about who you want to be!"
The main idea of this book is that it's never too late to become the person that you want. Whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50+ years old, you can STILL decide to change the direction of your life.
Exercise:
Where in your life are you stuck? If this is the hour of your life, as Maria Shriver asked:
-How do you want to spend it?
-What do you want to do with it?
-What is the truth about yourself that you need to speak
Oprah. BFF, Maria Shiver has written a little book that may be help working moms to become un-stuck. The book, Just Who Will You Be? challenges reader to ask themselves "What do I believe" and "Who do I want to be" rather than "What do I want to be." The major distinction is that "Who do I want to be" speaks to your essence as a human being, whereas "What do I want to be," is nothing more than another title---like a job description.
One of the wisest passages is as follows:
"You can spend the rest of your life trying to measure up, trying to figure out and fulfill other people's expectations of you--or right now, you can make a decision to let it all go. And you can start by talking about what you know, what you feel and what you think. You can start by talking about who you want to be!"
The main idea of this book is that it's never too late to become the person that you want. Whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50+ years old, you can STILL decide to change the direction of your life.
Exercise:
Where in your life are you stuck? If this is the hour of your life, as Maria Shriver asked:
-How do you want to spend it?
-What do you want to do with it?
-What is the truth about yourself that you need to speak
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
What Are You Listening to Today?
Music is the easiest and cheapest way to improve your mood. Music can inspire us, it can energize us and it can help us to remember a past event or feeling. Music can also help us to awaken our most authentic self.
In the privacy of our homes or cars, we can use music to connect to our spirit...some days that spirit may need some rock music with some fiery guitar licks, or some hardcore rap music. On other days you may need some lighter such as some cool jazz. There's also that sexy side of you that music can help to come to the surface. Then there are days where you need some spiritual songs...songs from the secular or religious world that speak to help you understand or overcome challenges. Regardless of what you need on a given day, the Universe can speak to you through music. You can also use it blow off some steam and just have fun.
In heavy rotation in my car stereo is Jill Scott's Golden from her album, Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol.2
Exercise:
What's playing on car stero or in your IPOD? Find a CD that you can play that will make you enjoy yourself. If you can't find one, make your own CD using your computer.
In the privacy of our homes or cars, we can use music to connect to our spirit...some days that spirit may need some rock music with some fiery guitar licks, or some hardcore rap music. On other days you may need some lighter such as some cool jazz. There's also that sexy side of you that music can help to come to the surface. Then there are days where you need some spiritual songs...songs from the secular or religious world that speak to help you understand or overcome challenges. Regardless of what you need on a given day, the Universe can speak to you through music. You can also use it blow off some steam and just have fun.
In heavy rotation in my car stereo is Jill Scott's Golden from her album, Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol.2
Exercise:
What's playing on car stero or in your IPOD? Find a CD that you can play that will make you enjoy yourself. If you can't find one, make your own CD using your computer.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Stepping Into Your Destiny
Everyone has a destiny, a life path that she should follow. Unfortunately too often we get carried away with the obligations that satisfy the needs of others. When it comes to other people women are fixated on being "good," doing the "right" thing but readily mistreat themselves. How many tired, neglected working mothers have we seen on beauty make-over shows. These women are so busy tending to everyone else that they have not realized that it has been years since they thought about their own needs. In the interim they've gained weight, not taken care of their appearance, in some instances even failed to see a physician or a dentist. How can a woman who is has placed herself last---thus assigning her life no value be a good mother, a good partner or a good employee? Who will care about a woman who doesn't care about herself? Here's a link Beauty on a Budget to some budget-friendly suggestions to maintaining your looks
Learning to put yourself first may be the most important step to finding peace and balance in your life as a working mother. Our responsibilities may seem legitimate since they are often associated with our children, partners, bosses, church, community. But are these activities "supposed to" items that we do because they're expected to do them or because they are or what "good" women (or women in my network do) or are they activities that bring us true joy and self-fulfillment? Our goal should be to fill our lives with life affirming activities and people. In doing so we need to develop exit strategies from the obligations and people that don't bring us joy or an added sense of personal worth.
Our instincts always tell us what the next step on our path ought to be. However we frequently override our internal compass with a host of excuses based on external demands for us to act a certain way. Letting go of the obligations that weigh us down is not necessarily easy because fear guides many of our actions. By releasing life-draining activities, you are allowing yourself to be guided by Universe/Divine Spirit/God and thus you immediately set yourself on the path to living a happy, abundant and harmonious life.
Exercise:
Look at your personal and work schedules for the rest of the week or month.
1) On one list write out the activities that you love and in another list, the ones you find draining and stressful.
2) Brainstorm about ways to eliminate the joy-killing activities.
Maybe you can give notice that you plan to resign from a committee/activity in several months---this gives the group time to find your replacement. Perhaps another family member can be assigned to tackle an item. Can you afford to pay someone to do the task? In terms of work, if you are unhappy maybe it's time to have a conference with your boss to see how you can re-tool your job description or duties. If that's not possible, and your job is stressing you out, it's time to begin the process of looking for another job or investigating how you could create your dream job through entrepreneurship.
Learning to put yourself first may be the most important step to finding peace and balance in your life as a working mother. Our responsibilities may seem legitimate since they are often associated with our children, partners, bosses, church, community. But are these activities "supposed to" items that we do because they're expected to do them or because they are or what "good" women (or women in my network do) or are they activities that bring us true joy and self-fulfillment? Our goal should be to fill our lives with life affirming activities and people. In doing so we need to develop exit strategies from the obligations and people that don't bring us joy or an added sense of personal worth.
Our instincts always tell us what the next step on our path ought to be. However we frequently override our internal compass with a host of excuses based on external demands for us to act a certain way. Letting go of the obligations that weigh us down is not necessarily easy because fear guides many of our actions. By releasing life-draining activities, you are allowing yourself to be guided by Universe/Divine Spirit/God and thus you immediately set yourself on the path to living a happy, abundant and harmonious life.
Exercise:
Look at your personal and work schedules for the rest of the week or month.
1) On one list write out the activities that you love and in another list, the ones you find draining and stressful.
2) Brainstorm about ways to eliminate the joy-killing activities.
Maybe you can give notice that you plan to resign from a committee/activity in several months---this gives the group time to find your replacement. Perhaps another family member can be assigned to tackle an item. Can you afford to pay someone to do the task? In terms of work, if you are unhappy maybe it's time to have a conference with your boss to see how you can re-tool your job description or duties. If that's not possible, and your job is stressing you out, it's time to begin the process of looking for another job or investigating how you could create your dream job through entrepreneurship.
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