Removing Emotional Crutches

Yesterday I finally got a Maryland license. This tidbit of information isn't important unless you also know these facts: 1) I drive every day; 2) I've lived in the Washington, DC area for about six years and 3) Relinquishing my NYS license cut to the psychological core of who I am/was/wanted to be.

I clung to the notion that in trading in my New York driver's license, I was in some way abandoning my roots---the people, experiences and places that made me who I am. I was extremely reluctant to let go of my New York identity. In my mind Maryland spelled "suburban mom," not hip, urbane chick. Frankly, I wasn't interested in replacing my stilettos with crocs. It took me a minute to realize that I could live in Silver Spring, Maryland and still be a sophisticated woman and mama.

It may sound silly but my New York license was my last tangible connection to my birthplace. My parents are both deceased and my sister now lives in Pennsylvania. Many of my childhood and college friends have also left New York City. We all remain die hard New Yorkers, however each of us left the city to pursue our educations or our careers. I initially came to Washington, DC to attend college and have bounced between the District and NYC a few times. Ironically I am in NYC at least once a month so many acquaintances still think that I live there. My five year old son however was born in Maryland and he's establishing his roots, so it's unlikely that I will be moving back to NYC anytime soon.

Unfortunately, dwelling on the life that "I once had," kept me stuck and unable to create a full life in my present. In the past year, after some soul searching, I've released work that I no longer enjoyed and some relationships that were no longer satisfying. I concluded that I also had to give up my NYS license. The epiphany was that if I didn't I probably miss out on new opportunities or new relationships in the Washington, DC area because I was pining away for my former NY life. By obtaining my Maryland license I took the scary but freeing step of accepting that I didn't stop being who I am because I changed my address. I realized that my job was to integrate my NY flava--my NY influences into my current life. I suppose I was rebelling against the mistaken idea that I'd have to conform....that I would have to give up a big chunk of who I am/have been to fit my "mom in the burbs" life.

The point of this yarn is not to have you throw out the mementos that are testaments to your life, but to recognize when symbols of your past are blocking your journey forward. Here's the way to if an item has become an emotional crutch: Does an object evoke a fond memory? OR Does the object make you yearn desperately for bygone days? If it's the latter, it's time to let it go. You can never replicate the past. Mooning over the fabulous times that you "used to have", or the chic, single woman that "you used to be" stops you from having new adventures today and being/creating the chic mom that you are/can be today. Remember, every moment spent living in the past is a minute that you are not enjoying your present.