Becoming Successful By Overcoming Fear- Part 1

People are scared. Across the country folks are losing their homes—and even if you can keep your house it’s worth much less than it was several years ago. Jobs with liveable wages and benefits are rapidly disappearing. With the crashing and burning happening on Wall Street the value of many people’s retirement accounts has plummeted. Last, but certainly not least, affordable health insurance evades more and more Americans. It’s easy to be sucked into the collective fear that is spreading around the country. The collective fear leads many people to just want to survive the storm. They duck their heads down and pray fo the best. Other people however are deciding that it’s time to take control of their lives and their finances. They are ready to thrive. In Chinese the symbol for crisis is the same as opportunity. It’s therefore not surprising that even in the middle of this financial chaos there are people still making money and living large—and that’s been the case throughout history.

So What REALLY separates the successful from the rest of us? I have identified 5 traits that I will discuss in the coming days:

#1. They have a prosperity mind-set. Successful people refuse to focus on their fears. They are really determined that they are going to get theirs—no matter what. This means that they don’t spend a lot of time thinking that they can’t make it because they’re female, a member of a minority group, too old, female, not qualified, undereducated, too fat, don’t live in NY or LA or too unattractive. There’s a big difference between saying that you want to be wealthy and actually believing that you can be. The success stories are made of up people who truly believed that they deserved the best that life had to offer. These folks also got off their rears and took concrete steps toward their goals. Anyone whose ever seen a successful person up close knows that although they may play hard—they also work VERY hard. These people are constantly in meetings, discussing deals and investigating new opportunities. Successful people also surround themselves with knowledgeable advisers who can help them to improve their game and fulfil their vision.. Succcessful people know that they are exactly where they are supposed to be—it’s not a fluke or an accident.

Action Step: List you top 5 reasons why you can’t get ahead. Read your list and determine why each one is a really just an excuse. For instance, if you say that don’t have enough education; you can go back to school, even if its only one class at a time.

Working Moms Mentor Scholarship Program

So what is Personal Coaching?

It’s a collaborative partnership that enables you to gain fresh perspective for achieving both short-term and long-term goals. Coaching is about change.

At core personal coaching is the relationship between coach and client, and the dialogue for change that they create. Through meaningful coaching communication you will be able to find answers and take the necessary actions that lead to reaching your goals for change.

Coaching focuses on what you want. People seek out life coaches because they want to reach an important goal, or want to create something new. As your coach, I am here to remind you of what it is you are committed to creating and help you to take the necessary actions to achieve it. I am also there to provide the trusting support that develops in a coaching relationship.

Are You Thinking That Personal Coaching Isn’t for Women Like You?

If so, you should be asking your self, “why not me?” Is self-improvement only for “other women?” Don’t YOU deserve to live your best life? Maybe thinking that you don’t have enough time, money or focus is exacting what’s holding you back. Ask yourself how much time have you spent on activities and people that haven’t improved your life. Also ask yourself, how much money have you spent on things that only made you feel better only until the bill arrived. You put your focus, in the form of money and time on things that you care about. If you care about improving your quality of life and in turn your children’s you’ll realize that you are probably the perfect candidate to make the investment in personal coaching. If you’re willing to invest in a life that is more happy, harmonious and abundant, contact me at info@workingmomsmentor.com to find out about the various coaching programs for working moms.

No More Excuses–Win 3 Months of Personal Coaching For FREE!—a value of $1,800.00. Three Deserving Working Mothers Will Be Selected

To say that money isn’t an issue, even for things that we know that we need to do is nuts. Throughout my career I have always been committed to providing information to anyone who truly wants it--- so I am providing three coaching scholarships. I will personally coach three working mothers for a period of 3 months absolutely FREE.

You just need to be committed to your dream and willing to work for it. APPLY TODAY.

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WORKING MOMS MENTOR SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM

Rules and Eligibility

This program will provide three (3) Working Mothers with three months of individual coaching for FREE. The value of these services is $1,800 per working mother. The recipients of the scholarship will be chosen by WorkingMomsMentor.com founder, Yvonne Bynoe. All applicants must reside in the United States and be at least 21 years old. Applicants must be mothers who are currently employed full or part time, in a job that is home-based or outside the home.

Recipients must agree fully commit to the full 3 month coaching program, which includes making all scheduled weekly calls and completing all assignments. Upon acceptance into the program, scholarship recipients also agree to provide a digital photo and a written statement about their coaching experience to WorkingMomsMentor.com to be used for promotional purposes.

Application deadline: December 15, 2008
Email Application to: info@workingmomsmentor.com
NO TELEPHONE CALLS PLEASE

Winners will be notified by: December 31, 2008
Scholarship Coaching Program will begin: January 6, 2009
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APPLICATION
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Part 1. BASIC INFORMATION
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Where Did You Hear About The Scholarship?:

Name:

Age:

Number of Children:

Ages of Children:

Marital Status: Divorced, Married, Single, Widowed

Occupation and annual income:

Address:


City, State, Zipcode


Home telephone number and Cell Number

Email Address:


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Part 2: TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF:
(Complete each question in 150 words or less)

1. Why do you want to participate in the Working Moms Mentor coaching program?





2. What goals would you like to achieve in your life that have been eluding you?





3. What external obstacles are in your life that you believe are stopping you from living a better life?





4. What are some of your strengths and what are some of your weaknesses?





5. What are you willing to do you live a more fulfilling and abundant life?

Romance and Emotional Abundance

Romantic relationships...they are part of the sweetness that makes our life wonderful. In many instances our lives have been enhanced by the people whom we've chosen to share our lives and selves with. For most of us, however there are also a few relationships that torn at our self-esteem and our sanity.

It seems trite, but the difference between a relationship that is life affirming and one that is life sapping is us. When we are focused on ourselves, loving ourselves and focused on improving the quality of our lives, we attract people who can assist us on that journey. These are the people who provide us needed support, information and insight. However, when are desperately looking for someone else to love us or rescue us for our financial responsibilities, we are going to attract partners who simply highlight our neediness and our perceived unworthiness.

Every relationship is a mirror into ourselves. This means that if we don't like our partner, we should be looking at ourselves and not them to find the REAL source of the problem.

Another person cannot "complete" us. For us to be able to enter into healthy, loving and productive relationships we have to bring an already complete person to the party. The alternative is that you---a 1/2 of a person is constantly expecting and looking for someone else to compensate for the shortfalls in your life. Essentially, you are giving the power of your life and its direction over to someone else.

Turning the table on yourself allows you to "fix" yourself and get clear about what you want from a partner that aligns with your values--- rather than continuing to choose partners whom you hope will make all of your problems disappear.

Exercise:
What do you dislike about your current (or former partner)....write them down. Now look at that list and decide if you share any of the disliked qualities. Maybe you aren't as truthful or reliable as you a would like to think. Perhaps you've signaled an ambivalence about commitment.

Accepting What Is

How often do we lie to ourselves?

We say that we can afford that new outfit, despite being close to our credit card limit. We squeeze our feet into shoes that are too small, rather than admit to our actual size. We say that our relationship is great, despite the warning bells and red flags that keep popping up.

Unfortunately when we lie to ourselves we simply exascerbate the problem. Not being honest with ourselves can easily result in more debt, foot problems and being stuck in an bad relationship. The more crap that we pile up in our life is simply more stuff that we have to dug out from under later.

The first step to improving your life is "accepting what is". "Accepting what is" no more than being truthful about your current reality. It's an acknowledgement that you are going to stop lying to yourself. Most important, "accepting what is" becomes the foundation creating the life that you want. Accepting what is provides you with the tools to map out a path to a happier and more abundant future.

Exercise:
Think about places where you aren't being truthful:
-finances
-relationships
-career
-weight
and think about how you could take steps to improve that situation if you were willing to accept what is.

Lessons from Richard II

I've been off the radar for a while. I had a fabulous vacation in Sag Harbor with my family as well as old and new friends. It gave me a much needed chance to unwind and reflect. I am truly grateful that I had the ability to kick back and just eat, drink and think for a week. However almost immediately upon my return home I participated in the annual back to school world wind. I am glad to say that my son is happy and adjusted at his preschool so I can now get my and routine back on track.

For the last few days I have been thinking about Shakespeare's play Richard III. Al Pacino did a documentary in 1996 about the play itself and his production of it--he played Richard III. In extreme brief, Richard III killed and betrayed family members in his quest to be King of England. Essentially Richard III lost his humanity as he advanced his ambitions. Furthermore, one he became king he grew ever more paranoid that he would be de-throned.

The play Richard III lend me to wonder about real people--- how we allow our desires for status, money, material goods, sex to diminish our own humanity. Ultimately, living a happy and abundant life is about seeking experiences and even things that add to our human-ness, not detracts from it. Moreover in the pursuit of these desires we should be guided by love of self and others, rather than by fear or envy.

So today's exercise:
Determine whether or not your the pursuit of a particular desire is actually making you less loving and more fearful?

Running for Your Life or Running Your Life?

I am going vacation with my family to Sag Harbor, New York. My family rented a house with a dear friend and her family. There's no agenda for the week aside from decompressing and spending some quality time together. This is my son's first time at the beach...so aided by his father he can try out some of the things that he learned in swim class. As for me, I've got some books, some magazines and some lounging time calling my name.

I am a firm believer in vacations and the power of doing nothing. For me it's not about laziness, but I need time to re-charge my mind and my body. Moreover, like most people people I am more relaxed when I am on vacation. This altered state of mind, coupled with a different locale very often unblocks my creative juices. I got the idea for the motherhood anthology, Who's Your Mama: The Unsung Voices of Women and Mothers (Softskull Press/Counterpoint, 2009) while I was on vacation in San Miguel, Mexico.

Many of us are running ourselves ragged because we are scared. We are attempting to be prove our worth---to be indispensible because we are afraid simply being ourselves isn't going to cut it. We may be afraid that we'll loss our jobs if we take some time off, or we may be afraid that someone will not like us if we say no to a burdensome favor. But how do we change our actions if we choose not to sacrifice our mental and physical well-being to our fears?

What is the pay-off if you work 100 hours a week and still lose your job or you run every community event and you still are never invited to be part of the "in crowd?" How does your life change when you say that you are good enough and then move toward finding your bliss rather than running away from pain? You may still work 100 hours a week, but you'd love every minute of it-- Or you may decide that a job that requires that type of commitment is not aligned with your life's desires.

So this week, think about how you re-connect with your spirit. Are running at a breakneck pace because you are afraid to stop, or because you are having too much fun sampling all of the world's treasures?

Letting Go

One of my favorite blogs is Carrie and Danielle. They are Canadian style mavens who each day provide a thought-provoking quote or question.

Today they asked, "What do you need to let go?" They started the dialogue with the following statement:

Letting go is an art form that can make the difference between ugliness or beauty, turmoil or grace. Whether it’s stuff in your home, thoughts in your head, or connections to people and places, with practice, you can live in a way in which letting go is second nature - and presence takes first place. The beauty with learning to let go is that releasing the little things (small grievances, bits of clutter) can make for big changes.

Essentially if you are moving forward in our lives, you are in some regular process of letting go. You may need to let go of a relationship that is not nurturing your true self. You may need to let go of a job that is not supporting your talents and interests. You may need to let go of ideas about yourself and who you should be to experience peace, happiness and abundance. You may need to let go of material items that no longer serve you and that are blocking your ability to receive new things.

Letting go is difficult because we rarely know when or if a replacement is coming. The choice is to hold onto the old, familiar out of fear and stagnant in your current existence or to trust that by releasing what no longer feeds your soul you are inviting that which will make your life more enjoyable.

Exercise:
Think about what you need to let go of in your life...and do it!

Mid-Day Energy Boost---Meditation

It's around three o'clock and your to-do list for the day is still a foot long. Your first thought is to get another cup of coffee or maybe something sugary to keep you going. Your stamina and your waist line would however benefit from some mid-day meditation. This not about chanting, but merely taking a few moments to clear your mind. Meditiation is usually thought of as a relaxation activity, but it can also give you a well needed boost of energy and can help to reinvigorate your brain. A few minutes of meditation can keep you going the rest of the day.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Clear a Space. Try to get rid of all of the clutter that is on your desk or in your immediate proxity. This helps to bring order and calm to your environment.

2. Turn off the electronics: Log off of your computer and turn your PDA as well as the ringer off on your telephone. This action limits detractions.

3. Close your eyes and breathe. Sitting straight in a chair, take long, deep inhalations followed by even longer exhalations. Continue throughout the exercie.

4. Check your body. Are you tense anywhere? Concentrate on relaxing that area.

5. Do this for 5-10 minutes. How are you feeling? If you are still feeling sluggish or unfocused continue the meditation for a minute or two more.

Stop Being Your Worse Enemy

I found a wonderful article about self-sabotage. Very often we say that we WANT to improve our lives, or live in a particular manner, but will act in a manner totally contrary to our stated intentions.

To get some more perspective is an excerpt from Debby Ford's articles, Why Good People Do Bad Things:

Our headlines are filled with stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news, on the front page of newspapers, and splashed across the weekly tabloids: the TV evangelist who gets arrested for soliciting prostitutes; the schoolteacher who carries on an affair with one of her students; or the baseball star who gambles on his own games. These public downfalls have become our national obsession, but much more common acts of self-destruction and sabotage are taking place right now in our own backyards. The successful doctor who gambles his kids' college tuition away; the public official who takes a bribe; the PTA mom who is carrying on an affair with her best friend's husband; the husband whose neglect and procrastination ends up costing him his marriage…. These are people whom most of us would consider to be "good people," not common criminals, psychopaths, or sociopaths whose histories might predict their unscrupulous behavior. These are people like you and me, people who started out with high hopes and big dreams for their futures. But despite their good intentions, these so-called good people did some very bad things, most often without even understanding why.

Despite how they may appear, incidents like these are not a coincidence and they don't come from "out of the blue." Acts of self-sabotage are predictable. They arise from the repression of what I call our "dark side," the parts of ourselves and our lives that we find too inconvenient to admit; too embarrassing to accept. Regardless of how intently we try to hide, deny, or suppress them, every aspect of ourselves that we've deemed unacceptable or wrong will eventually make itself known - sometimes when we least expect it. When we are busy building a business, creating a family, or working hard to achieve some long-desired goal, these rejected or unwanted aspects of ourselves can pop up and destroy our lives, our reputations, and all of our hard work. This is what I call the Beach Ball Effect.
To Read more

Also be sure to download Debby's FREE Self-Assessment. The link is at the end of the article.

Are You Stuck?

Frequently working mothers hit a point in their lives where they feel stuck. They are still clinging to the past, without a clear idea about how to move into the present. I'm having an "identity crisis" is a more sophisticated way of saying that I'm "stuck." However you decide to phrase it, being "stuck" is maintaining an idea of who you are, even though your present circumstances make that concept obsolete. Among the life changes that alter our lives are: marriage, motherhood, death, divorce and job loss. In order to become "un-stuck," and move on to the next phase of your life you first have to give yourself permission to explore new ideas about who you are.

Oprah. BFF, Maria Shiver has written a little book that may be help working moms to become un-stuck. The book, Just Who Will You Be? challenges reader to ask themselves "What do I believe" and "Who do I want to be" rather than "What do I want to be." The major distinction is that "Who do I want to be" speaks to your essence as a human being, whereas "What do I want to be," is nothing more than another title---like a job description.

One of the wisest passages is as follows:

"You can spend the rest of your life trying to measure up, trying to figure out and fulfill other people's expectations of you--or right now, you can make a decision to let it all go. And you can start by talking about what you know, what you feel and what you think. You can start by talking about who you want to be!"

The main idea of this book is that it's never too late to become the person that you want. Whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50+ years old, you can STILL decide to change the direction of your life.

Exercise:
Where in your life are you stuck? If this is the hour of your life, as Maria Shriver asked:
-How do you want to spend it?
-What do you want to do with it?
-What is the truth about yourself that you need to speak

What Are You Listening to Today?

Music is the easiest and cheapest way to improve your mood. Music can inspire us, it can energize us and it can help us to remember a past event or feeling. Music can also help us to awaken our most authentic self.

In the privacy of our homes or cars, we can use music to connect to our spirit...some days that spirit may need some rock music with some fiery guitar licks, or some hardcore rap music. On other days you may need some lighter such as some cool jazz. There's also that sexy side of you that music can help to come to the surface. Then there are days where you need some spiritual songs...songs from the secular or religious world that speak to help you understand or overcome challenges. Regardless of what you need on a given day, the Universe can speak to you through music. You can also use it blow off some steam and just have fun.

In heavy rotation in my car stereo is Jill Scott's Golden from her album, Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol.2



Exercise:
What's playing on car stero or in your IPOD? Find a CD that you can play that will make you enjoy yourself. If you can't find one, make your own CD using your computer.

Stepping Into Your Destiny

Everyone has a destiny, a life path that she should follow. Unfortunately too often we get carried away with the obligations that satisfy the needs of others. When it comes to other people women are fixated on being "good," doing the "right" thing but readily mistreat themselves. How many tired, neglected working mothers have we seen on beauty make-over shows. These women are so busy tending to everyone else that they have not realized that it has been years since they thought about their own needs. In the interim they've gained weight, not taken care of their appearance, in some instances even failed to see a physician or a dentist. How can a woman who is has placed herself last---thus assigning her life no value be a good mother, a good partner or a good employee? Who will care about a woman who doesn't care about herself? Here's a link Beauty on a Budget to some budget-friendly suggestions to maintaining your looks

Learning to put yourself first may be the most important step to finding peace and balance in your life as a working mother. Our responsibilities may seem legitimate since they are often associated with our children, partners, bosses, church, community. But are these activities "supposed to" items that we do because they're expected to do them or because they are or what "good" women (or women in my network do) or are they activities that bring us true joy and self-fulfillment? Our goal should be to fill our lives with life affirming activities and people. In doing so we need to develop exit strategies from the obligations and people that don't bring us joy or an added sense of personal worth.

Our instincts always tell us what the next step on our path ought to be. However we frequently override our internal compass with a host of excuses based on external demands for us to act a certain way. Letting go of the obligations that weigh us down is not necessarily easy because fear guides many of our actions. By releasing life-draining activities, you are allowing yourself to be guided by Universe/Divine Spirit/God and thus you immediately set yourself on the path to living a happy, abundant and harmonious life.

Exercise:
Look at your personal and work schedules for the rest of the week or month.

1) On one list write out the activities that you love and in another list, the ones you find draining and stressful.

2) Brainstorm about ways to eliminate the joy-killing activities.
Maybe you can give notice that you plan to resign from a committee/activity in several months---this gives the group time to find your replacement. Perhaps another family member can be assigned to tackle an item. Can you afford to pay someone to do the task? In terms of work, if you are unhappy maybe it's time to have a conference with your boss to see how you can re-tool your job description or duties. If that's not possible, and your job is stressing you out, it's time to begin the process of looking for another job or investigating how you could create your dream job through entrepreneurship.